The Approach Thread
#1
Post your real-life approaches here. No tinder/online/app game.

#1

Young Asian 7 in my gym that I've seen at the same time for months. Usually works out with her mom, or auntie, some older lady. Today she was doing lower body work with a resistance band around her legs. I approached while she was lying on her back with headphones in, motioned for them to come off.

CM: What do those bands do for you?
Her: Oh they just like, add resistance and make you work harder. They make you more sore :laugh:
CM: Ohh really, I was wondering about them. I always see people using those but I never understood how they work. How do they make it harder?
Her: They just like, add more pressure to your muscles. Do you want to try?
She hands me the resistance band and I act like I have no idea how to use it.
CM: So I put it around my legs like this right...And ok now I squat. Huh..Yeah you know what, it actually feels better because I have something to push against while I squat.
Her: Oh yeah, totally.
Me: You know its funny, I used to compete in powerlifting, but I switched to my new sport and just recently I was at a tournament but I felt so weak compared to the other guys there. So I'm looking for a new lower body workout to improve my strength.
Her: Oh ok, yeah...
Me: Well, thanks for letting me try these out.
Her: Oh no problem. Have a nice rest of your workout.

Good:

-Eye contact, articulation and speech rate was good on my part
-I asked good elderly questions and she was happy to chat and share her resistance band with me

Needs improvement:

-I should have began or stacked with "Where I come from..." bait, maybe something like "where I come from, people usually work out in older gyms with less equipment. I didn't see people use these bands much until I moved to (our state)".
-I gave up after dropping my one piece of bait, about my sport/competing in tournaments. She didn't bite on that. Maybe I could ramble on some more or drop juicer bait?

#2

Went to the store to get some things. Noticed that they have blocked off the aisles with all the beauty supplies. I asked the Mexican woman (6) what was up with that.

Her: Oh yes because people have been stealing things, so you have to pay for those items here now.
Me: Oh, you are on to me Wink
Her: :laughs: well I don't know if you have stolen here...I think maybe you have been stealing hearts. Wink

I get my face wash and pay for it with her.

Her: So was I right?
Me: No, I never taken anything that isn't given to me.
Her: Ah, so it was not intentional.
Me: No, I think it is fate. Wink
Her: Yes exactly, you don't mean to steal hearts but you still do by accident!

Funny, flirty interaction with her. She was bangable but there were others in line and I had no intention of gaming her. Instead I just wanted to keep my vibe up by being flirty and positive with every female I interact with.

Have a date in a few hours so might get one more approach in between work and then.

edit: Approached a black (6) chick behind me at the gas station pump on my way to work.

#3

Me: Are you in the air force? (noticing her ABU cap on her dash board)
her: yeah I am
Me: I bet I can guess your job.
Her: ok what is it?
me: I bet you're a maintainer
Her: No...I'm a personelist (hr?)
me: Ah of course, that was my next guess.
Her: Haha how did you know?
Me: You just give off that personnelist vibe (smile)

Ran out of steam and we both got into our cars. She was smiling and seemed to enjoy the interaction.

Good:

-Spur of the moment approach that I have never done before. Never approach girls at the gas pump, but they are a captive audience for a minute so why not?
-Black girls always respond well when I flirt with them. I should filter for this more by approaching cute black girls more often.


Needs improvement:

-Could have followed up with something like "I can tell, you just have that vibe like you love doing paperwork. Wink" "so what are you up to today". Even though we were both done pumping gas, nothing says I couldn't have just kept talking shit and walked over to her, introduced myself and got her number.

-I must have been difficult to hear, or too far away from her, because she said "what?" after the first time I told her I can guess her Air Force job. I need to speak clearer, louder and slower if I am far away from the chick like I was here.
There's no such thing as different but equal. 
-Dante Nero
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#2
I wouldn't over think it.

Imo, the biggest / hardest part of approaching is actually approaching.

Smile, be friendly, be confident and assertive.

Curious as to why you are not trying to number or date close these girls?

Starting slow and then will gradually increase your steps? Playing long ball game? Waiting to build more rapport?
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#3
^ That's a great point that I've meant to address: attempt to number-close every girl I approach, even if I don't think the approach is going amazing.
There's no such thing as different but equal. 
-Dante Nero
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#4
Don't overthink it, and sometimes don't even bother. Why I say that? The golden rule is this... women do the choosing
Women always pre-select men that they wan't to date, have sex, or do whatever with. Women nowadays have more options than
ever before. So why waste your time? your never gonna get it back.

I'm not saying don't cold approach. Just be more strategic and targeted. Know your type, find pattern's in women you've dated, and work from there. It's not about what you say, or how you say it. Within 5 seconds she's already made up her mind. If she chooses you, it's gonna take alot for you to fuck it up... Just don't be aspies. You'll save more time, and achieve greater results.

I'm just sayin...
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#5
(06-02-2019, 01:01 AM)vybe Wrote: Don't overthink it, and sometimes don't even bother. Why I say that? The golden rule is this... women do the choosing
Women always pre-select men that they wan't to date, have sex, or do whatever with. Women nowadays have more options than
ever before. So why waste your time? your never gonna get it back.

I'm not saying don't cold approach. Just be more strategic and targeted. Know your type, find pattern's in women you've dated, and work from there. It's not about what you say, or how you say it. Within 5 seconds she's already made up her mind. If she chooses you, it's gonna take alot for you to fuck it up... Just don't be aspies. You'll save more time, and achieve greater results.

I'm just sayin...

This post has a defeatist attitude. "why was your time? your [sic] never gonna get it back"

It's not a waste of time if I'm just going to be standing at the gas pump for 2 minutes anyway. Why not approach the cute girl behind me at the pump? 

It's not a waste of time if I'm going to the grocery store anyway. Why not approach the cute girl in the produce aisle?

It's not a waste of time if I'm taking a rest between sets at the gym anyway. Why not approach the cute girl I see in there all the time?

I have a free afternoon with no work or other responsibilities to do, why not spend an hour or two downtown approaching cute girls?

Women may get to "choose" but we as men get to HUNT. If I want duck, I'm going to hunt duck. If I want quail, I'll hunt quail.

Yeah maybe I'm not the best duck or quail hunter. Maybe rabbit or deer are what I have had the best luck with.

But so what? You're not going to get better at hunting quail and duck if you just stick to what you've always hunted.

You give women way too much power and credit as the "choosers". If I don't approach, she doesn't even get the opportunity to "choose".
There's no such thing as different but equal. 
-Dante Nero
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#6
Dude, your coping. I didn't say don't approach. I said be more strategic and rational. There's nothing logical about a telemarketing approach to women. All the approaching in the world doesn't mean shit, if she doesn't like you or find you attractive. You can have all the optimism in the world, that doesn't change reality. It make's you delusional.

She has the power to say yes or no. If she's not interested, she will say no. Even if she is a grocery store cashier, she still has many options via social media, social circle, and etc. I don't give women anything, but attractive women in 2019 have unlimited options. If she want's good dick, trust me she know's how to get it.

That hunter analogy doesn't apply to dating. Your not trying to cook these women on the bbq, your trying to get laid. You ain't doing much hunting if you keep getting rejected now. I don't know why guys don't want to accept uncomfortable truths, yet they think there alphas. When you play basketball do you body check the other person like it's hockey? do you double dribble? do you tackle the opponent? No!

The same thing applies to the game. You play the game by the rules to win. That's why most guys struggle when they try to play this game. Work with the system. Women do the choosing, start giving them something to choose! Know what type of women like e.g. White, Asian, Latina, and etc. Figure out choosing signals (eye contact, more sociable, and heightened femininity), and realize what women like you. Figure out how you can raise your SMV so more women would find you attractive. Figure out what are red flags, and what women you should avoid.

Now that i'm 30. I get women approaching me, staring me down and giving choosing signals. I know some women are out of reach for me now, until I raise my sexual market value. That's cool, I charge it to the game. But I don't have any trouble attracting women, and I'm content with the women that pre-select me. Go with the tide, not against it.
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#7
(06-02-2019, 02:33 AM)vybe Wrote: Dude, your coping. I didn't say don't approach. I said be more strategic and rational. There's nothing logical about a telemarketing approach to women. All the approaching in the world doesn't mean shit, if she doesn't like you or find you attractive. You can have all the optimism in the world, that doesn't change reality. It make's you delusional.

She has the power to say yes or no. If she's not interested, she will say no. Even if she is a grocery store cashier, she still has many options via social media, social circle, and etc. I don't give women anything, but attractive women in 2019 have unlimited options. If she want's good dick, trust me she know's how to get it.

That hunter analogy doesn't apply to dating. Your not trying to cook these women on the bbq, your trying to get laid. You ain't doing much hunting if you keep getting rejected now. I don't know why guys don't want to accept uncomfortable truths, yet they think there alphas. When you play basketball do you body check the other person like it's hockey? do you double dribble? do you tackle the opponent? No!

The same thing applies to the game. You play the game by the rules to win. That's why most guys struggle when they try to play this game. Work with the system. Women do the choosing, start giving them something to choose! Know what type of women like e.g. White, Asian, Latina, and etc. Figure out choosing signals (eye contact, more sociable, and heightened femininity), and realize what women like you. Figure out how you can raise your SMV so more women would find you attractive. Figure out what are red flags, and what women you should avoid.

Now that i'm 30. I get women approaching me, staring me down and giving choosing signals. I know some women are out of reach for me now, until I raise my sexual market value. That's cool, I charge it to the game. But I don't have any trouble attracting women, and I'm content with the women that pre-select me. Go with the tide, not against it.

Your post is all over the place, man. I appreciate you trying to give feedback, but unless you want to talk about the specifics of approaching, agree to disagree. I'm not going to go point-for-point with you.
There's no such thing as different but equal. 
-Dante Nero
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#8
Good thread idea Checkmat. Will pitch in here with the next approaches.
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#9
@Vybe

One problem with your logic.

Women find confidence attractive.

Simply cold approaching and asking for her number demonstrates a high level of confidence.

You say don't approach and waste your time, but then turn around and say to approach.

If a guy is cold approaching, it's obviously for a girl that is his type.

Fact is, the guys who approach and message the most girls get the most girls.
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#10
(06-02-2019, 04:49 AM)Dash Wrote: @Vybe

One problem with your logic.

Women find confidence attractive.

Simply cold approaching and asking for her number demonstrates a high level of confidence.

You say don't approach and waste your time, but then turn around and say to approach.

If a guy is cold approaching, it's obviously for a girl that is his type.

Fact is, the guys who approach and message the most girls get the most girls.


You don't get it. This is what I said. Don't waste your time pursuing women that have no interest in you. She has other options, and your not one of them. Get over it. Approach women that like you and are attracted to you. You can run telemarketing game or you can narrow the market, and increase your success rate. Just because a guy approaches alot of women, doesn't mean he will increase his success rate. It's this stupid pua propaganda that was created by some autistic dickheads.

I haven't even gotten into power dynamics regarding cold approaching. If you do approach a women that's not really interested in you, and she does accept you. Most likely, she will milk you for your resources, and probably stretch you out on some dates. She wasn't really interested in your, or find you all that attractive. But she will exploit you for her own gains.If you cold approach a woman that's interested in you, the power dynamic favors you. 
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#11
@Vybe

Two problems here.

1. You can't always know if a woman is attracted to you or not without approaching. Even after approaching you still can't always be 100% sure.

2. Additionally, you are failing to account for the fact that there have been PLENTY of woman who married or fucked guys they initially had no interest in or attraction to.

There is an old saying: Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears.

So as you can see, there are two problems with your notion of "only approach women that are interested in you".
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#12
(06-02-2019, 05:19 AM)vybe Wrote: You don't get it. This is what I said. Don't waste your time pursuing women that have no interest in you. She has other options, and your not one of them. Get over it. Approach women that like you and are attracted to you. You can run telemarketing game or you can narrow the market, and increase your success rate. Just because a guy approaches alot of women, doesn't mean he will increase his success rate. It's this stupid pua propaganda that was created by some autistic dickheads. 

I haven't even gotten into power dynamics regarding cold approaching. If you do approach a women that's not really interested in you, and she does accept you. Most likely, she will milk you for your resources, and probably stretch you out on some dates. She wasn't really interested in your, or find you all that attractive. But she will exploit you for her own gains.If you cold approach a woman that's interested in you, the power dynamic favors you. 


Thanks for stopping in, vybe. Looking forward to more quality input from you in the future.
There's no such thing as different but equal. 
-Dante Nero
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#13
sigh... some people just don't get it. sad.
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#14
(06-02-2019, 07:20 AM)vybe Wrote: sigh... some people just don't get it. sad.

Can you address the two points I mentioned above? 

Are you trying to say its ALWAYS possible to know if a girl is interested in you PRIOR to approaching?

Are you trying to say NO girl has ever dated, fucked or married a guy she was initially not interested in?
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#15
I think vybe appears bitter about women. Is this true vybe?
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#16
Cobra where is the bitterness. Maybe you should work on reading comprehension. I said I get women choosing me, and sometimes women approach me and hit on me. How can I be bitter about that? lol. I find that a blessing, since my smv is barely average at the moment. For that i'm grateful as can be. All I'm saying is don't waste your time with women that don't want you. It's simple. Especially in the #metoo era, more than ever. I'm not here to patronize anybody. But this pua telemarketing approach has a very autistic nature. You guy's need to make intuitive decisions when cold approaching, that's what i'm trying to reiterate.

(06-02-2019, 03:28 PM)Dash Wrote:
(06-02-2019, 07:20 AM)vybe Wrote: sigh... some people just don't get it. sad.

Can you address the two points I mentioned above? 

Are you trying to say its ALWAYS possible to know if a girl is interested in you PRIOR to approaching?

Are you trying to say NO girl has ever dated, fucked or married a guy she was initially not interested in?


1) Yes, she would make it obvious she wants you to approach her. She will initiate eye contact, may also have a welcoming facial expression, and body language to go with it. Sometimes, it may not be so obvious. The point i'm trying to make is to be intuitive, and don't waste your time with women that want nothing to do with you. It's pretty simple. Sure you see a really attractive women, sometimes she's out of your league. She has a social circle, social media, and getting hit on constantly. Be able to pick up on cues, and go with your gut. It's not black or white, it's more of a shade of grey. Sometimes in certain scenarios it's not possible, but then you should be intuitive, not some autistic telemarketer that cold approaches every women he finds attractive. It's creepy, its like a homeless man approaching you on the street trying to become your friend. 

2) Absolutely not. But the power dynamics will always favor the woman. When it comes to relationships, i've scene many women settle. They would use covert manipulation and deception, and know how to feed a mans ego. But that woman has ulterior motives, and usually wants a man for security and resources. They say a women has made up her mind within 5 seconds, if she likes you or not. I don't know why you wanna be a pussy beggar for women that are not interested in you. This is coming from a low place, and it displays to woman a lack of self worth. She will not respect you. Were living in the #metoo era, so be-careful if your out in the west. Me personally, I rather have the power dynamic in my hands. 

Throughout my life, when women have choosing me and I pursued. I was rewarded with a much more pleasant experience. When I tried to force things with women, it never really worked out. I bought the pua lie back in the day. Just approach like someone with zero social intelligence or a low EQ. Things never really worked out. I learned the truth that women do the choosing, and you gotta play the game by the rules. You play by the rules, your chances of winning go up. That's why some guys get it, and some guys don't. Please, don't be that guy.
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#17
The simple fact that women fall in love with their ears negates everything you mentioned.

In any event, we can agree to disagree.
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#18
I tend to agree that you should go mostly for girls that are giving you cues. Most of my lays have been when I approached girls who gave me obvious signs (her glancing over at me or whatever). I also agree that if you see a girl you REALLY like then you SHOULD go for her even if she's not giving you any signs. She may not be into you, but there's also a chance she might be. Unless you're in some difficult situation like approaching a group of 5 guys and 1 girl sitting down to eat dinner, it's pretty low risk to your time (it takes what, 2 minutes to approach a girl). I don't think it's wise to spam approach every girl you see, but if a girl is 100% your type then you're missing out by not trying.

As for girls who don't give you any signs, this also depends.. sometimes a girl in the street might not even notice you, but then you approach her and she's attracted to your confidence. You'd be missing out on a potentially great girl "because she didn't give me any signs."

Generally I only go for girls I don't think I have a chance with if I'm at a club, there aren't many girls there and nobody is giving me any signs. These random approaches don't work too often, but you never know. Some girls are experts at hiding signs of interest, but you might be their type anyway.

TLDR: you should be more selective with who you approach (look for signs of interest), but you have nothing to lose by going for a girl you like even if you don't think you have a chance.
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#19
^ To add on to what mike said, I have straight up cold approached girls who didn't give me any prior approach signals and ended up banging them.

Shit, I met the mother of my son by cold approaching her in the gym. The interesting thing there was that I didn't think she even knew I existed before I approached her, but she later told me, "Yeah I had seen in you in gym before. I was hoping you would come talk to me." BUT she was so shy/nervous she wouldn't even look at me, let alone make eye contact or give approach signals.

Other notches I've got came from literally just bumping into a girl as she exited a store in the mall. NO time for her to give "approach signals", just saw a cute girl and approached.

Voltaire famously said, "Give me 10 minutes to talk away my ugly face and I'll bed the Queen of France."
There's no such thing as different but equal. 
-Dante Nero
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#20
^^

Yea I hope any man doesn't actually believe or prescribe to what vybe is proclaiming.
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