Wife Hunting Abroad
#21
(06-02-2019, 12:21 AM)Checkmat Wrote:
(06-02-2019, 12:08 AM)20Nation Wrote: The more I date the more I realize personality is important. And not just simply is she entertaining. Is she submissive, sweet, positive, patient, easy going, forgiving, enjoyable to be around while alone etc. If i want to stay with a girl for a long time, she needs to have these qualities or I will be unhappy.

^ This is major. Most of us, being guys, screen for hotness/sexual availability first. Obvious this doesn't have anything to do with being a long-term partner.

One piece of advice I picked up recently was to screen for personality first, and among those girls who have the traits you desire, select the one(s) you are most attracted to.

This book has been huge in changing the way I look at selecting women for relationships:  The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage

[Image: 41wmyr4uOpL.jpg]

The author describes what personality traits to look for in a girl, which indicate better skills useful for navigating an LTR. For example, one of the "Bright Triad" traits that the author says to look for is "inquisitiveness". This means that in an argument or heated discussion, instead of acting like an immature teenager, stomping her feet or giving you the silent treatment, she actually wants to find out WHY you feel the way you do.

I'm a big fan of this book. I've recommended it before on this forum.
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#22
Part 3: Hunting & Dating Strategy

You have to stop prioritizing sluts and easy bangs or super young girls. You have to focus and take care of the real goal at hand.

Every Sunday or Monday I would recommend scheduling 2-4 dates for the week with girls that appear or have the potential to be LTR or wife material. 1-2 new and 1-2 that you met and liked already. Doesn't have to be fancy or big, short quick cheap coffee or lunch is fine. The important thing is you are meeting many new girls regularly. Most girls will not appear as they do in the their pictures and most girls will not have the personality traits you desire. So the more you meet, the quicker you will likely find a partner.

After meeting, if you know they not gonna be able to make the cut, you have to never include them in the standard 2-4 dates each week. If you just want to bang her then maybe try inviting her over to the apartment or some late night bar date. Don't take her/them out on a standard normal date again.

Once you start dating a girl more than once, I would set a limit on it. Aim for 1 month and 2 being the max. If you are unsure of a girl after that time, more than likely she is not the one. I fucking wasted 8 months on one girl here. Never again will I make that mistake.

You have got to be looking for and assessing their personality. Even do some things on purpose to see how they will respond. The moment you notice a negative pattern, cut her loose.

Also, I would not attempt to bang these girls early. Take things slow and don't try to force things. You don't want to risk giving her the wrong impression and losing her.
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#23
I don't know much about Viet marriage/family traditions and customs, but I'm assuming it's pretty similar to Chinese, Filipino, Thai, etc customs.

With that said, how are you guys going to take your Viet wife's family meddling in your life? Or how will you handle them trying to move into your house with her, or asking her to get you to help sponsor them to come to the US, Europe, or wherever? lol
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#24
^^

By discussing that very topic and having clear mutual agreed upon guidelines, rules and expectations.
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#25
This discussion happens from time to time on forums and in offline conversations. Vietnam is frequently mentioned but I don't hear of many other countries. Does anyone have a success story or a recommendation for another country where it is common for women to make good long term partners?

I understand that all places have good and bad women and that a guy needs to learn the culture and language, so please don't respond with something like that. In my opinion it is worth understanding where guys have already had success and why some places have women who are more suitable for long term relationships.
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#26
(06-07-2019, 02:19 AM)raetj Wrote: This discussion happens from time to time on forums and in offline conversations. Vietnam is frequently mentioned but I don't hear of many other countries. Does anyone have a success story or a recommendation for another country where it is common for women to make good long term partners?

I understand that all places have good and bad women and that a guy needs to learn the culture and language, so please don't respond with something like that. In my opinion it is worth understanding where guys have already had success and why some places have women who are more suitable for long term relationships.

Asia
Eastern Europe 
Middle East 
Central Asia 
Latin America ?

Basically, anywhere but the liberal, progressive West lol
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#27
I guess I'm asking for specific examples or specific countries and why that country is a good choice for finding LTR quality women.

I'm not sure why the discussion always seems to begin and end with Vietnam.
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#28
Raetj


I think you have take into consideration your finances and dating skills/beliefs.The majority of guys looking to find a wife outside of their country can't or won't be able to make enough to live in another country. That leaves the option of bringing her back to your country which you also have to think about the financial obligations.If you don't believe in women working like some guys looking for a wife abroad or she has no skills that transfer to the workforce you're going to have to figure out how to handle that.That may mean having to work more at your current job ,getting a second job or source of income or finding a better paying job.A lot of guys don't think that stuff through because their mind is wrapped up in their frustration.As far as dating skills you have to think about what you will have to do to maintain the relationship.A lot of guys have this fantasy that they're going to find this unspoiled good girl in another country and she's just going to cook,clean and have sex without deviation for the rest of their lives.It being likely the guys who do find a woman abroad will likely have to move her to their country many haven't thought about  what parts of their culture she will adapt.Many guys are under the impression that women will just stay in their cultural bubble and naturally won't take on the negative aspects of theirs.I've seen a few guys marry foreign women who they thought were going to live up to their ideal but now control the relationship to where these guys are scared of them.
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#29
(06-02-2019, 04:52 PM)262 Wrote:
(06-02-2019, 12:21 AM)Checkmat Wrote:
(06-02-2019, 12:08 AM)20Nation Wrote: The more I date the more I realize personality is important. And not just simply is she entertaining. Is she submissive, sweet, positive, patient, easy going, forgiving, enjoyable to be around while alone etc. If i want to stay with a girl for a long time, she needs to have these qualities or I will be unhappy.

^ This is major. Most of us, being guys, screen for hotness/sexual availability first. Obvious this doesn't have anything to do with being a long-term partner.

One piece of advice I picked up recently was to screen for personality first, and among those girls who have the traits you desire, select the one(s) you are most attracted to.

This book has been huge in changing the way I look at selecting women for relationships:  The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage

[Image: 41wmyr4uOpL.jpg]

The author describes what personality traits to look for in a girl, which indicate better skills useful for navigating an LTR. For example, one of the "Bright Triad" traits that the author says to look for is "inquisitiveness". This means that in an argument or heated discussion, instead of acting like an immature teenager, stomping her feet or giving you the silent treatment, she actually wants to find out WHY you feel the way you do.

I'm a big fan of this book. I've recommended it before on this forum.

Can you talk about how the book has influenced your dating life, or girl selection? I've wrote about this already but I'm not looking for an LTR right now, because I'll be relocating soon. I do feel better equipped to screen women, having read the book.
There's no such thing as different but equal. 
-Dante Nero
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#30
(06-08-2019, 05:51 PM)raetj Wrote: I guess I'm asking for specific examples or specific countries and why that country is a good choice for finding LTR quality women.

I'm not sure why the discussion always seems to begin and end with Vietnam.

Pretty simple why.

Traditional and very family oriented.
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#31
(06-09-2019, 01:44 AM)Checkmat Wrote:
(06-02-2019, 04:52 PM)262 Wrote:
(06-02-2019, 12:21 AM)Checkmat Wrote:
(06-02-2019, 12:08 AM)20Nation Wrote: The more I date the more I realize personality is important. And not just simply is she entertaining. Is she submissive, sweet, positive, patient, easy going, forgiving, enjoyable to be around while alone etc. If i want to stay with a girl for a long time, she needs to have these qualities or I will be unhappy.

^ This is major. Most of us, being guys, screen for hotness/sexual availability first. Obvious this doesn't have anything to do with being a long-term partner.

One piece of advice I picked up recently was to screen for personality first, and among those girls who have the traits you desire, select the one(s) you are most attracted to.

This book has been huge in changing the way I look at selecting women for relationships:  The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage

The author describes what personality traits to look for in a girl, which indicate better skills useful for navigating an LTR. For example, one of the "Bright Triad" traits that the author says to look for is "inquisitiveness". This means that in an argument or heated discussion, instead of acting like an immature teenager, stomping her feet or giving you the silent treatment, she actually wants to find out WHY you feel the way you do.

I'm a big fan of this book. I've recommended it before on this forum.

Can you talk about how the book has influenced your dating life, or girl selection? I've wrote about this already but I'm not looking for an LTR right now, because I'll be relocating soon. I do feel better equipped to screen women, having read the book.

May sound obvious, but I remember instances where I got a girl's contact info through day game, but later didn't bother contacting them, due to some red flags in the set. In one instance, the girl said she had twenty tattoos!

Edit: To be honest, the biggest way the book has helped me so far is it helped me explain my last relationship. I inadvertently ended up following one of the best bits of advice from the book, which is to keep a girl at girlfriend status for around two years (roughly enough time when your brain chemistry and hers returns to normal) before deciding to do something more serious. Had I not inadvertently done that, I'm pretty sure I'd have even more of a sob story to share.
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#32
In which country are most the women not

emotional = mars, venus id look on another planet if you don't want a women whos not emotional, there ruled by them.
sensitive = femi Nazis are pretty non sensitive
jealous = avoid latinas
argumentative = some women love to argue then again some men also.
stubburn = look for a submissive girl, gullable or dumb, Asian girls seem quite gullable, basically not westensised as otherwise theyl have a strong opinion.
dramatic = does she talk about drama. If so she wants likes it.
needy = look for a women who runs her own business shel be more independent
selfish = look for a nurse shel be more kind in general.

FILTER FILTER FILTER

write down must have or must not and qualify the girl on that during the date.

e.g "you don't smoke do you" (im asking in a way that shows im not looking for a girl that smokes)

"you go to the gym or are you lazy" (if you want a women to keep herself in shape over the years)

"you a party animal" (don't want a girl going to clubs regualy)

but sounds like asia is your best bet overall

good luck Wink
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#33
I've got what might be a bit of a contrarian take on this matter.

[Image: 1SX7m3g.png]

Using the above graph as an example, let Vietnam be the red normal distribution and Thailand be the blue.

Sure, the average/median Vietnamese woman might be 0.5 points better than the average/median Thai woman (for marriage purposes)... But remember that you are only one person! You only need 1 wife (cue polygamy jokes).

Statistics matter less in this case, than your depth of experience, your social ties, and your time spent living somewhere. Because in both countries, it's up to you whether you land a 6 or an 8.

So like Dash said:

(06-07-2019, 10:32 AM)Dash Wrote: Asia
Eastern Europe 
Middle East 
Central Asia 
Latin America ? 

Basically, anywhere but the liberal, progressive West lol

Amongst these regions of the world, it doesn't really matter where you choose since they are all pretty similar. Further, there's probably *not* one best place for everyone.

Instead, amongst these places just go where you have a particular interest or excitement about.

In my case, after ~35 months abroad in ~13 countries I've grown deeper ties in only 2 places (Thailand & India). So even though those places might not be 'ideal', they are where I am focusing on going forward.
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#34
Interesting read. Some good advice and many many misconceptions about marriage. Ask just about any married dude and they will tell you the woman they married is not the woman they are married to. I'm sure his wife would say the same thing about him. People change, and when they cease to try to impress, usually not for the better. So be ready for anything. Sure, some traits are probably more predictable into the future, but people are very good actors when they are trying to get something.

One thing rather left out of this conversation is earning potential. If you find your sweet vietnamese or phils peasant and drag them back to the U.S., it is almost guaranteed you will be supporting her. If you have the means, by all means do it.

I figure if a girl has her own earning potential, then she doesn't need me. Instead she is choosing me. Therefore, it is more likely you are going to be introduced to a more genuine and sustainable version of herself. If she really needs you, she is going to be anything she thinks you desire until shit is locked down. Then she is likely to show her true self.

I would compromise here. Go to Taiwan or Hong Kong. Many still have the Asian docility, but are also educated and have good jobs. When women work, they are far less annoying because they have something to stress and complain about other than you.

Hotness is complicated. If you have a really hot wife, the best thing about it is showing her off. I can almost guarantee after a couple years of marriage you'd rather be banging something fresh no matter how hot she is. An exception would maybe be Betty Draper on Mad Men. But it still feels good to have her on your arm. However, if you are trying tame your ego as I am, it only complicates things.
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#35
^ Unless you marry a mentally handicap woman, she can easily go to school and get a decent job after. There is also the military. Unless you are rich, it's a given the woman would need to get a decent full time job and contribute to the family. If one can go live in a different country and find a marriage material girl with a good job that can translate to one in the US then great, but I would be primarily focused on finding one with the right traits for marriage

My experience tells me its already hard as FUCK to find a girl who is above average in looks (for me atleast as I have some pickiness) and also has the right personality traits suitable for a long lasting enjoyable marriage. Christ, if I added a job / education requirement onto the above id never find a suitable wife lol.
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#36
(09-26-2019, 01:13 AM)k pop Wrote: I would compromise here. Go to Taiwan or Hong Kong. Many still have the Asian docility, but are also educated and have good jobs. When women work, they are far less annoying because they have something to stress and complain about other than you.

Korean women could also be a good compromise (despite rising divorce rates). Very feminine/docile despite being a first world country nowadays.

Contrary to popular opinion on RVF and wherever, I wouldn't actually recommend Viet women for wifing up unless you're living here long term and have a grasp of the language and culture so you can sift through the gold diggers.


I've been lucky in my relationships I suppose but the women here (in general) seem to value money above anything and everything. I find it quite crass, honestly it's a bigger turn off to me than western womens slut tendencies.

There's a popular reality show here where they interview newly weds. Literally every bride on there mentions money. Last episode the chick said, "I didn't really notice him but then he bought me some presents and I started to like him" lol. In that case, guy was a complete closet fag too.

Basically, viet women will marry the most hideous creatures as long as there's a steady flow of gifts and financial security. There's an asexuality in the relationships that I dont think I've seen anywhere else. Finding a husband for them is like buying a stock. All about those steady dividends.
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#37
^^ SpEd, you are attracted to and message a lot the the makeup sexy types. Not sure i'd id say that is a good base to go off.

My meetings with girls are quite good in that regard as most girls i actually go on dates with are girl next door types. If I did meet a sour one it was surely a slutty sexy one I was just trying to smash lol

Fact is most people in Vietnam are poor or at most middle class. The women who have rich well off bf/husbands are few and far between. And most these girls are obvious high maintenance superficial gold digger types. I'd imagine any well off Viet dude will not be the best husband material, big headed, cheating, etc.

Very easy way to tell how a Viet girl is (beside her appearance and her social media post/pictures). Take her on dates to street food, order her a grab bike vs a cab and don't buy her gifts, take the bus on trips, stay in cheaper homestays vs nice hotels. See how she reacts.

My ex gf got mad at me when we went to Dalat and I wanted to upgrade our hotel.

Dash's Guide to Finding a Good Viet Wife (Actually this can be applied anywhere)

1. Simple / Low maintenance / Modest / Humble
2. No e-brag social media
3. Doesn't complain when you do and buy things on the cheap (which you should usually do)
4. Doesn't ask you to buy her shit
5. Actually doesn't like it when you spend a lot of money
6. Not a party girl
7. Low foreign bf count
8. Not a slut (makes you wait awhile to smash)
9. When asked what type of husband she wants she replies "I want an honest, faithful, responsible, good hearted man that is capable of supporting a family"
10. Has a good close relationship with her family
11. Works or goes to school
12. Values family number 1 in her life (above career etc)
13. Easy Going
14. Selfless
15. Generous
16. Happy Gene
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#38
I'm just drawing a general portrait.

Viet women are more money orientated than any other women I've encountered. Or perhaps theyre more upfront about it as the culture doesnt consider it crass to always talk about money as it is in the West.

I havent personally been affected by this because 1) im a young fit/goodlooking foreigner 2) im filtering for sluts lol. So I dont deal with the gold diggers here, I just see it a lot as an observer.

And if you look at vietnamese couples(ie..the norm) the courtship is basically a series of financial transactions.

Not saying one cant find a good wife here. If anything for guys without looks, VN may be the best option in the world as they dont matter at all here.

If you want a woman thats less likely to see you solely as a breadwinner, I think a more developed country like Taiwan or Korea would be better bets though.

Went on a date/banged a Korean chick off tinder last week. Was really a delightful experience. None of these straight to the jugular questions I get from Viet girls. "whats your job"?, how long will you be here?" *Yawn*

She even paid for the date. Complete nympho too.

Kind of makes me want to spend some time in Seoul and see how much damage I can do there.
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#39
I know but what I am saying is you are drawing your opinions from not the best basket i think. If you spoke Vietnamese and dated a lot of simple normal girls you met through social circle or cold approaching I am positive you would have a completely different perspective.

My experience has been completely different, which isn't surprising because I know the type of girls you like and are attracted to.

Most Viet guys don't have money, so not sure how you can draw the financial transaction connection. Every day i get on my motorbike I pass a typical VN dude who is riding a cheap or basic bike dressed questionable with a cute or sexy girl on his bike.

Korea would be a terrible place for a wife. Superficial capital of the world. Literally you ask any woman what type of husband they want they say rich, tall and handsome. They are obsessed with appearance and money. Constantly looking in the mirror at themselves. Woman want to constantly have surgery to alter their appearance. Makeup / cosmetic mecca center. A guy would be a fool to marry a Korean girl. And we haven't even got to the racist superior aspect of their culture yet. lol

Typical Viet girl is modest and works hard. Very good at managing the money they make.

If you base your conclusions off dolled up sexy tinder girls you aint getting the real picture.

As far as money goes, I'd say most Viet girls (any sane woman) wants a guy who is able to have and keep a stable job that is able to support / provide for a family.

East Asia would be out the question for me. Superficial and career based now. Family values have nosed dived in East Asia. I imagine South East Asia doesn't have long before it's corrupted as well.

Tred carefully men lol
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#40
I dont think youre understanding me lol.

Im generalizing the situation for average guys. Im not average by any rubric, and I do speak/understand vietnamese better than the vast majority of foreigners here. Went on a date entirely in vietnamese the other night and was able to get by without google translate.

Ive not had any issues with golddiggers personally becase I filter heavily. If a girl asks about my job right off the bat, I delete her.

I think youre right on women here just wanting a financially stable guy. Basically what I said. And there's nothing wrong with that. What I dont like is they calculate whether you'll fit that role right from the start and very blatantly.

Guess I like girls with a bit more class, and subtlety.

As for Korean girls being superficial about looks, sure, that doesnt bother me. Id rather have a looks superficial chick than a gold digger.
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