What to say if she asks "Why are you here?"
I lost some really cute girls after meeting in person, but especially before the first meeting, when it's about online game, when they asked me "What are you doing in *insert city*?" and I answered honestly which means traveling.

The thing is, I'm traveling 4-5 months every year. I spend some time in bigger cities where the main reason is to pick up girls and some time traveling around for nature etc. I'm not a digital nomad nor an English teacher. Telling her that I am here for business would be a total lie and that is not an option for me.

How do you handle this topic, especially when texting or video calling before the first meeting? It comes up every fucking time and kicked me out so often! I'm vague when they bring up the topic of a potential relationship. I don't lie and I don't promise her anything, but I also don't take away every hope for the possibility of a relationship. Unfortunately I don't get this method to work with the question about the reason why I'm in the city. I can't see how I can be vague about it without also killing her interest the same way it is killed, when I'm telling her that I'm traveling, even if I stay for several weeks. I tried being vague about it.

There where so many cute foreign girls (Japanese for example) working in Bangkok and especially for them it was very important that I'm not just another traveler having some fun in Bangkok before hitting the islands, while they go on working hard.

The only thing I can come up with is that I'm looking for a winter residence, but it just sounds stupid when being in a shithole like Jakarta, Cebu etc.  Rolleyes

Girl: Why are you here?
You: Some of my passions in life are traveling and adventure. Seeing new places, trying new food, hearing new sounds, meeting interesting people and making memories to last a lifetime.

Or can keep it simple

I like travel and wanted to experience the city/town.
(10-21-2018, 09:27 AM)Dash Wrote: Easy

Girl: Why are you here?
You: Some of my passions in life are traveling and adventure. Seeing new places, trying new food, hearing new sounds, meeting interesting people and making memories to last a lifetime.

Or can keep it simple

I like travel and wanted to experience the city/town.

That's what I do now and did before, when I lost those girls. I'm talking about girls who ask this question to check out if you are working and living there or not. I'm not saying those girls will filter out everyone no matter how high the SMV is that they project on him, but if you don't live or work there, it adds a big minus to the general interest that the girl has in you. That's also why it's a way bigger deal breaker online before the meeting compared to reality at the meeting.

After reading your answer again I'm now thinking that you thought that the problem I'm addressing is that my main issue was that girls will know that I'm mainly here to pick up girls. Is that correct? If so, your answer helps for that. You answer also gave me some new input to think about. Thanks for that. Not primarily input about the main issue that I wanted to address in this topic, but about a good mindset for "Why I'm in the city?" that's not as good as working and living there but better than being there just for hooking up, if I'm in a shitty city for several weeks. Something like for getting a deeper insight in the culture and real life of the city, country and it's people. In order to get that I want to get in contact with locals that have a normal life there, away from the tourist industry etc. The couchsurfing spirit and so on. Of course sometimes I also have to deal with meeting her friends, colleagues and family then.
Ah so you are worried about girls x'ing you because you don't live or work there.

In that case, there is no magic thing to say or not to say.

Either you gotta choose to lie or be honest.
I usually travel on business, but I'm only in-country for a few weeks at a time, so I run into a similar situation as yours. I think a lot of success when asked this question comes down to framing your response in a way that the girl will find agreeable.

Most girls using online dating services in any country will avoid meeting a guy if they think he's in it for a one night stand, and they want to see that there's potential in a prospect for becoming a solid boyfriend. That's the core of this question – can you be my boyfriend / possibly more, if things click between us? If not, she probably doesn't want to invest more time in you, and she'll move on to other options. If yes, meeting up is the next step.

So, if they're asking this question, chances are that they want the answer to be "Yes, you *might* become my boyfriend. The possibility exists." If you want to meet them, that's the answer you've probably got to give them.

Quote:There where so many cute foreign girls (Japanese for example)
I've found this to be doubly so with Japanese girls, where they want you to at least feign interest in becoming their boyfriend. Maybe the ones who are living in a foreign country have adjusted, but dating is really different in Japan, and providing some indication in their mind that you *might* be their future husband will probably help your odds of meeting them.

Quote:You: Some of my passions in life are traveling and adventure. Seeing new places, trying new food, hearing new sounds, meeting interesting people and making memories to last a lifetime.
This is probably the very best answer you can give while being absolutely transparent and forthright. I'd wager this answer would probably suffice pretty often, especially if a girl's got a bit of a sense of adventure.

I'm maybe not as up-front as that, but here's the answer I often give, and it's worked for me in the past:

“I work as a consultant, and I'm here for a few weeks on business. I travel a lot for my job now, but I really love this prefecture so far! The food's great, the people are friendly, and I think anyone who lives in a place like this is really lucky. I think it'd be great if I could move here permanently, in the future. If I could get a girlfriend here, that'd be even better. ()

Do you have a favorite restaurant in the city? Where's the best place to go shopping?”

This kind of answer has a few positives about it:

1. I'm giving her (more or less) the answer she wants to hear, without lying. The places I go for work are righteous, and I'd be glad to move to them permanently, if I had enough of a reason to. Hell, if we hang out and she happens to be the greatest woman on earth, there we go.

2. Keep it positive. I always add some place-specific praise in (like if it's renowned for its food or something). It's a by-proxy way to compliment her. Most people are proud of where they come from, and they'll react positively to a foreigner saying it's cool.

3. Keep the conversation moving in an engaging direction. After you give her an answer that she (approximately) wants to hear, parlay her questions into more questions that she'll be eager to answer. People love talking about the place they come from, and this is an easy way to keep the train rolling as you move toward setting up the first date.

Obviously, this all varies a bit from girl to girl, and you've got to apply your best judgment. If she's a 20 year old bar star whose profile says she just wants to have fun (this is pretty uncommon for dating site profiles), then play your cards differently.

I hope that's helpful, man. Good luck!
Your answer should include, if possible

-long term staying, posibility of LTR
-working or interested in work opportunities
-interested in culture, local sport activities, other projects
One of my favorites is saying checking out if I want to live here. It puts a time constraint on her trying to meet you (in case you aren’t there long) but has the possibility of a long term thing if you like it. Also gives her a good reason to make sure you really
Enjoy it
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Realize that when most women ask you a direct question like this, it is a ´shit test´ of some type usually masking some fear, because women are insecure by nature. Knowing this and giving a direct answer to a women is one of the kisses of death for attraction as you are appealing to a logic that is more pronounced in you and men, but less so with her and women. She is more focused on context and less on content and your success will increase as you deal more with her emotions and less with her thoughts.

Be indirect, be playful, and be unclear about your feelings as you draw her into your world to start the tingle process. As an example, even if her base fear is that you are going to leave after she has sex with you, but is afraid of the consequence if or when you leave because she could be in love, or be pregnant or some such unconscious biological hardwired fear. This is an emotional state and being indirect, unclear, and playful will help short circuit this as she is drawn (being attracted to you) into your world.

She does not consciously want to feel fearful and insecure (but she does), which are emotional in nature, and you being factual and logical generally speaking will not alleviate this emotional state. When she is drawn into your world (frame) and feels happy, positive and all the other goodies, she is generally more relaxed and secure then biology unfolds naturally.

More directness can enter the picture as you are move more toward pair-bonding.
Get busy living or get busy dying!
Damn, today this shit hit me hard.

I'm in Jakarta right now and doing quite ok even with a bad Tinder profile. I don't really care anymore if girls ask me questions like "Why are you here?", "What did you do yesterday / since you are here / last weekend etc.?" or "What will you do tomorrow / on the weekend etc.?". I get bored by it and I'm tired of answering that shit, but it doesn't affect the outcome of the date in a negative way, even though I'm not lying about it. 

In Jakarta people stare at me all the time, especially when I'm with and indonesian girl and often they judge me. If an indonesian man talks to me, he will ask if I'm here by myself and then laugh discretely like "Another foreigner that comes here to fuck our girls." Sometimes I had a date from online game with a woman I felt a little bit uncomfortable to walk around with. Not because she was ugly, just because she wasn't super hot and didn't quite fulfill the beauty criteria of the local market which means darker skin for example. Or she's super hot, says she is 19 on Tinder, but is 17 in reality and also looks that way Big Grin Then people stare and talk about me/us even more.

Anyway, I could deal with all of it but today a situation made me feel real uncomfortable. I had a Tinder date with a girl that was like mentioned above. We were sitting in the mall and out of nowhere came a guy I spent some days traveling with last year. I met him and his girlfriend in a hostel. He did grow up in the west but he lives in Jakarta now and hes indonesian. He invited us to sit with his wife, not the girlfriend from the past but an indonesian woman with hijab.

He's super confident, outgoing, talks to everyone, easy going extrovert. I'm introvert and I am quite confident in situations I'm used to and in settings that fit me, but in this situation I felt really uncomfortable. I even felt how I started sweating and probably blushed a little bit.

Uncounciously thoughts about the way he sees me entered my head: "I am a loser that comes to shitty cities in Asia every year just to get laid and then even with not so hot girls."

At the end, this is exactly what I do in Jakarta and there is no way to deny it. 

I think the only away is to accept that, don't give a shit and don't hide it. Of course I'm not a loser just because of it, because I have a way better life then the average man from my country. With or without those sex trips. 

Also because of what happened to me today and the judgements, I don't socialize in those cities besides with girls for sex, even though I would like to. Couchsurfing events and stuff like that, but I'm affraid thatcI have to lie and hide there or being judged.

Can anyone relate to that? Did anyone have problems like this in the past but not anymore?
(11-17-2018, 02:42 PM)King of the Bongo Wrote: Can anyone relate to that? Did anyone have problems like this in the past but not anymore?

Yeah man, I feel like most people who have spent time in the far east can relate to your post, and most guys probably sense a bit of this kind of awkwardness sometimes. If you take a local girl out on a date, chances are you're going to get some weird looks. Hell, sometimes just existing is enough to bring out weird behaviors – people will come up to you and start random conversations in broken English, restaurant staff will ask you half a dozen times if you need a fork, it's just a normal part of spending time there.

The question is what you make of this kind of stuff, and your mindset will determine everything.

First, if you're sick of getting looks from the local dudes, try going to a place where foreigners are more common. I'm not sure where in Jakarta that might be, but if there's an embassy district or a place with lots of foreign corporate offices, take a girl out on a date around there. For instance, if I'm in Tokyo, where people see foreigners constantly, virtually nobody (with rare exceptions) gives half a damn if I'm out with a Japanese girl. You won't get stares or cock-blocking attempts nearly as frequently if you're in a place that's got plenty of other foreigners.

But if I'm way out in a rural prefecture with Miss Tits on my arm? Yeah, those kinds of stares and subtle cock-blocking attempts from local guys abound. I think 20 had mentioned something about an old dude taxi driver taking some long assed route to get him and a girl back to his apartment, and that kind of stuff is a constant in Japan. Last time I was there I took a chick to a restaurant with reservations for 7:30, and when we got there, the dude at the front told us there weren't any tables and we'd have to wait.

That kind of thing absolutely never happens in Japan (they're ridiculously punctual), but whatever, we just rolled with it, hung out at the bar for a half hour, eventually got seated and had a good time. And when I was smashing her good a couple hours later, couldn't help but have an extra laugh at that lame jackass and his piss-poor attempt to prevent it from happening.

At the end of the day, it's all a mindset thing. A stare here and there doesn't bother me, and frankly, I've come to enjoy the minor cock-blocking attempts. It's just part of the fun.

Anytime you're getting laid, you're winning, and anybody who's staring at you or judging you probably wishes they were you. Enjoy it, man, don't stress over it.

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