Don't Take Her Bait! (Why Being Unreactive is So Important)
#41
(03-15-2021, 02:48 PM)WombRaider Wrote:
Quote:I'm currently in a relationship where  I think she's testing the waters more and more, trying to assert herself, putting out beta bait for me. Becoming more clingy, more controlling, saying she wants to be a bigger part of my life, suggesting more commitment like living together/children, getting jealous, suggesting withholding intimacy (although she hasn't actually done this), etc. Trying to extract promises and commitments from me about all sorts of shit.

She probably hears her biological clock and wants somebody who will commit for the long haul. If that's not going to be you, I'd cut her loose. Otherwise you're doing her more harm than good.

Let her lock down some beta.

Covid is ending, and the road calls.

Same position as well.... I entered a new life stage during corona and now that covid is starting to end I want to "hit the road" and explore that. I have money that I never had before, I moved to a new country and made some major physical changes... all of which has flipped my SMV on its head. Its a brand new world out there for me I want to explore that... not being locked down in a relationship and pushed to have children. 

My current LTR is all about that right now and the break is going to be UGLY.
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#42
(03-15-2021, 04:54 PM)Kir Diesel Wrote:
(03-15-2021, 02:48 PM)WombRaider Wrote:
Quote:I'm currently in a relationship where  I think she's testing the waters more and more, trying to assert herself, putting out beta bait for me. Becoming more clingy, more controlling, saying she wants to be a bigger part of my life, suggesting more commitment like living together/children, getting jealous, suggesting withholding intimacy (although she hasn't actually done this), etc. Trying to extract promises and commitments from me about all sorts of shit.

She probably hears her biological clock and wants somebody who will commit for the long haul. If that's not going to be you, I'd cut her loose. Otherwise you're doing her more harm than good.

Let her lock down some beta.

Covid is ending, and the road calls.

Same position as well.... I entered a new life stage during corona and now that covid is starting to end I want to "hit the road" and explore that. I have money that I never had before, I moved to a new country and made some major physical changes... all of which has flipped my SMV on its head. Its a brand new world out there for me I want to explore that... not being locked down in a relationship and pushed to have children. 

My current LTR is all about that right now and the break is going to be UGLY.

Ya. I feel some sympathy for her though, it's only in her nature to lock down a quality man, can't hold that against her.

Yet at the same time I am deeply feeling the new to establish some fresh new relationships.
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#43
I have a good friend who is married to a 35 year old and doesn’t plan on having kids with her. He doesn’t even fuck her anymore, says he lost attraction to her. In his defense, she doesn’t dress up, use makeup or act feminine. And constantly breaks his balls over petty shit. I keep telling him to cut her loose for his own good AND hers, but he finds it too convenient to stay together instead of finding someone new.
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#44
(03-15-2021, 06:57 PM)TigerMandingo Wrote: I have a good friend who is married to a 35 year old and doesn’t plan on having kids with her. He doesn’t even fuck her anymore, says he lost attraction to her. In his defense, she doesn’t dress up, use makeup or act feminine. And constantly breaks his balls over petty shit. I keep telling him to cut her loose for his own good AND hers, but he finds it too convenient to stay together instead of finding someone new.

This is something I simply don't understand. Why do people stay together in such a scenario? You say he finds it too convenient - but what exactly is convenient about this situation? He doesn't fuck her, she's not feminine, so what is the reason for being together with her? What kind of convenience?
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#45
She cooks and cleans. I’ll give her credit there.

He says he’s too lazy to do that himself. And that’s pretty much the only reason. I have never seen them be romantic with each other. Correction: she tries to but he rejects her lol. It’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen.
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#46
(03-15-2021, 08:41 PM)TigerMandingo Wrote: She cooks and cleans. I’ll give her credit there.

He says he’s too lazy to do that himself. And that’s pretty much the only reason. I have never seen them be romantic with each other. Correction: she tries to but he rejects her lol. It’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen.

I knew a guy like this. Or rather, his girlfriend (just on a friendly level, through mutual friends). Eventually she broke up with him and he just didn't care. We often wondered if he just lost all his sex drive, or if he had a cuck fetish or something, and he was hoping she would cheat. I'd say most guys who stay in mediocre relationships are only doing so because at least they're getting pussy on demand and preferably also some pleasant/feminine attitudes, although this doesn't seem to be a hard requirement for many guys anymore.

Knowing him a little, and connecting all the dots, we speculated that she just wasn't living up to his fantasies. Dude watched a lot of porn. The girl is just your typical Dutch 5/6 tier 30-year-old chick. Nothing special but you wouldn't be ashamed to have her hanging on your arm either. No particular dress sense to speak of. What he wanted deep down was just some hot curvy young thing and dress her up in a tight dress and high heels to impress his buddies at the country club. But of course she'd have to be his porn star and his alone. "Beautiful, modest and from the bar". Dude has plenty of money and is tall, but career-focussed and never really developed game. So what he desires will likely be out of his reach forever unless he pays a chick just to be arm candy, which I'm told is actually a thing, or relocates away from Western Europe.

Of course it's always speculation, we don't know what's going on deep inside the minds of others. Being honest with myself is already hard enough, let alone trying to fill in for this dude what he "really" wants. But it's a funny thing to consider.
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#47
(03-15-2021, 02:48 PM)WombRaider Wrote:
Quote:I'm currently in a relationship where  I think she's testing the waters more and more, trying to assert herself, putting out beta bait for me. Becoming more clingy, more controlling, saying she wants to be a bigger part of my life, suggesting more commitment like living together/children, getting jealous, suggesting withholding intimacy (although she hasn't actually done this), etc. Trying to extract promises and commitments from me about all sorts of shit.

She probably hears her biological clock and wants somebody who will commit for the long haul. If that's not going to be you, I'd cut her loose. Otherwise you're doing her more harm than good.

Let her lock down some beta.

Covid is ending, and the road calls.

This. If you don't want to have kids with her and she want's kids with you - you just gotta bail, better for you both.

Its good to have relationships where nothing was explicitly wrong with it but it just didn't work out cos you were at different points in your lives.
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#48
(03-15-2021, 07:04 PM)New Ice Age Wrote:
(03-15-2021, 06:57 PM)TigerMandingo Wrote: I have a good friend who is married to a 35 year old and doesn’t plan on having kids with her. He doesn’t even fuck her anymore, says he lost attraction to her. In his defense, she doesn’t dress up, use makeup or act feminine. And constantly breaks his balls over petty shit. I keep telling him to cut her loose for his own good AND hers, but he finds it too convenient to stay together instead of finding someone new.

This is something I simply don't understand. Why do people stay together in such a scenario? You say he finds it too convenient - but what exactly is convenient about this situation? He doesn't fuck her, she's not feminine, so what is the reason for being together with her? What kind of convenience?

Momentum and resistance to change. So many people are like this, not only in their relationships. Think of all the people in dead-end jobs, or jobs where they never make an attempt to advance. Think of "Gloria" who has worked in the Accounting department the last 15 years, doing the same job. She's never tried to move up, and the go-getters end up surpassing her.

As an employer, this can often be the ideal employee actually, at least for certain jobs.
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