One Story that Shows Why Waiting Until Marriage is a Bad Idea

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waiting until marriage
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One Story that Shows Why Waiting Until Marriage is a Bad Idea

waiting until marriage

Back when I was studying, I worked at an office supplies store part time. This place was surprisingly entertaining to work at. It was in a college town so most of the employees were in the 18 to 22 range. There were a few bosses that were a bit older and working there I got to hear a lot about the lives of everybody working at that office supply store.

One of those bosses was a late 20’s guy that was recently divorced. His story is something that shows all in one how not following your instincts as a man can completely fuck you over. Listen up.

Let’s call my boss Steve.

 

Waiting Until Marriage: The story

Steve grew up very religious. He was taught that the only time he should have sex with a woman is after marrying her. He was devout and he followed and did as he was told. He ignored his urges to be with any woman and stayed strong.

Steve could have got laid had he put in the effort, he was not good looking, but he wasn’t bad looking either. Just a normal looking guy with normal skills with women.

Then, Steve met this girl. This girl was part of the same religion as him. Steve was very attracted to this girl and confused this desperation with love. They started dating and it advanced as any religious relationship should, proper dates leading up to a proposal from the man.

One day Steve proposed to her and she said yes. Steve was very happy. He was about to marry an attractive girl and, as he told this story, he highlighted his excitement at the idea of FINALLY being able to have sex. Something he had waited his entire life for.

The wedding day grew closer and closer and a week before the wedding was supposed to take place, Steve’s bride-to-be came to him with anxiety about the wedding night.

Steve learned that her anxiety was for a different reason. His bride-to-be wasn’t the perfect virgin she had told him she was and she knew that on her wedding night he would find out. A more common thing with women than you would think.

Steve looked at her and felt nothing but, as he put it, “passion.” His anger at her deception was pushed to the back of his mind as he reassured her that he still loved her and wanted to marry her. He was too close to go back now and she was an attractive woman.

“Everything will be OK.” Steve told her. “We will learn together.”

 

Waiting until marriage: The Honeymoon

The wedding came and everything went just as it should. Steve was now married and it was time for him to do the thing he had been waiting to do for his entire life… sex.

They lay in bed and he took off her clothes, piece by piece. He clumsily had sex for the first time, he felt very nervous with thoughts of being compared to her more experienced previous lover.

He admitted that he hadn’t lasted long before he rolled off of his bride. It was a unique feeling and he wanted to try again. He climbed back on top of her, ready to explore more of gods greatest feeling gift to man.

“No. I’m tired.”

She pushed him off him and pretended to sleep.

The next week of their honey moon was filled with activities that kept them out of the bedroom. When they would finally go back to the hotel to sleep, she would make excuses as to why they couldn’t have sex.

“It still hurts.”

“I’m really tired from today.”

“I feel gross.”

Steve didn’t know what to think. Was this normal? He tried to be a good and understanding husband and respected her wishes. Totally less than 5 minutes of sex on their week long honeymoon.

 

Waiting until marriage: The Marriage

They moved into their house together and Steve found her doing the exact same behavior. Every time he would get horny and push for sex, she would make an excuse. The harder he pushed for sex, the more upset she would become.

The next two years passed like this. Since married, Steve and his bride had had sex a grande total of six times: the honey moon, his birthday, their first anniversary, his birthday, their second anniversary and sometime in there there was ONE other time that she had sex with him that wasn’t a special occasion.

He tried to be the good religious man and stuck through all of this, thinking to himself that his own desires were not as important as the marriage. Then, one day she said she wanted a divorce.

 

Waiting until marriage: Oh fuck! What have I done?

Steve still felt the sting of rejection while telling the story (the divorce only happened a month earlier), but overall he knew that it was for the best. He had lost two years of his life and waited his entire life to have sex with a girl who didn’t even want it, but at least it was all over.

“Why didn’t she want sex? What’s the real reason?” I asked Steve.

“I might have been too big for her.” He said laughing. “The thing that bothers me was that she had sex many times with her ex-boyfriend and enjoyed it.”

 

Why she didn’t want sex

Dick didn’t fit

Steve might have just been trying to brag and say he was well hung, but it’s very possible he was big and she had a tiny pussy. Dicks and pussies are like puzzle pieces. If you have a big dick and a small pussy, the girl will not be happy. If you have a small or normal sized dick and she has a huge pussy, nobody will be happy. People have different genetics that give them different things and there are people that aren’t sexually compatible. This is the price he paid for never testing the merchandise before purchasing.

He lacked game

People with a lot of experience with women know that the key to making a woman happy in the bedroom, isn’t so much what happens in the bedroom, it’s what happens outside the bedroom. It’s how you make her feel about her. Women care about emotions when it comes to sex. You have to game her and make her want you. Tease her and make her chase you always and tons of other things that I have written about in my books. I’m sure this guy wasn’t doing that and this could be a reason that he paid the price.

His inexperience

I believe 100%, that a man should NEVER have a relationship with a girl more sexually experienced than him. The man is supposed to lead and how can he lead if his girl knows more than him and is constantly trying to show him that. If he would have married a virgin, this could have been a very different story, but he didn’t. He married a girl more sexually experienced than himself. His errors were, of course, obvious to her after she had dated a guy quite some time with much more sexual experience than Steve. This could be one of the main reasons why it all went so bad.

She wasn’t a sexual person

There are girls out there that just don’t enjoy sex much. Maybe it’s because of something that happened to them as a child or maybe it’s because of some hormone imbalance, but they will never really enjoy sex. His wife could have had sex with her previous boyfriend simply because of how much she liked him. He had gamed her and she had rewarded him with doing something she didn’t enjoy. Now that she was in a marriage, she didn’t have to pretend anymore… she was locked into his life and wasn’t going to do something she didn’t want.

 

Problems with waiting until marriage

I grew up in a religious household. I saw friends waiting their entire lives for sex, just to rush into a marriage because of their desperation to finally experience it. It led to their unhappiness, but they would stick it out for their beliefs.

Some of them weren’t physically that attracted to their wives. They had been hiding various defects, smells, too small pussy and many other things. Some of them had married girls with a complete disinterest in sex. These guys play the lottery with their sexual happiness. All they could do was hope they got lucky and the girl they chose was what they wanted in bed.

If only these guys and Steve would have just tested these girls out. If only they had pushed for sex, just to know how these girls really were. This is part of the reason I believe that a guy shouldn’t wait until marriage for sex. He should be more sexually experienced than her or, at the very least, they should be equally inexperienced.

If a man wants a happy marriage, I would always advise him to find a girl that has only slept with him. This is the best way to find a truly faithful girl, but he MUST be with her before marriage or risk a lifetime of unhappiness.

waiting until marriage

None of this means you don’t want an innocent bride.

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20Nation

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  • Samuel Russell

    The real point of this story is marry a virgin.

    • 262

      Assuming you can’t verify that, what follows is this:

      Like any other product, try a girl on before you commit (buy) to her (includes LTRs as well as marriage). That is, unless you also buy clothes based on sizing labels, and never try them on either.

    • 20Nation

      that’s actually good advice

    • Samuel Russell

      You definitely need to verify the quality of the goods before you commit. The question is: what criteria is most important to verify?

      If a woman doesn’t value marriage to the extent that she thinks sex should only happen within marriage, then she isn’t marriage material. It’s easier to teach a virgin to like sex than to teach a slut to be faithful.

    • Chastity these days is waiting until the 2nd hour of the Tinder date to go home with a guy.

    • 20Nation

      times are changing

    • Al metzger

      Russell, did you read my post above! Go back and read my comment on your first post. I believe that many, if not most of these girls that ‘value’ marriage so much that they will wait for sex, really just don’t even like sex! They just don’t have a drive for sex and so it is EASY for them to wait. And why do you have to call a girl a slut just because she likes sex!

    • 20Nation

      exactly, but if a girl has been with a ton of guys then she just is… a slut. It has nothing to do with whether or not she likes sex. There are women who love sex who are faithful. It’s easier for a girl like that than a girl that has rode many cocks in her day.

    • Al metzger

      So, how about all you players that have a ton of sex then?

    • All women have completely different sex drives. It’s chemical. With some girls, you can be by far the best she ever had and she will still only have sex with you. For other’s you just have to be inside of her and she’s on top of the world.

    • Samuel Russell

      Metzger, I did read your comment. If you marry a virgin and after sex with you she decides she doesn’t like sex, that’s not all on her. And I say that from experience.

      And never buy the cow when you get the milk for free. That doesn’t mean you have to look for a cow that won’t give you milk for free. If you like the free milk, then just never buy any cows. But if you’re going to buy a cow, make sure it isn’t giving out free milk. If you get the free milk, others either already have or will in time.

    • Al metzger

      LMAO!!! I can’t BELIEVE you used that stupid antiquated cow analogy! You indeed will end up with a cow with that mindset. And you are wrong that it is NOT all on her. Some girls are just plain ASEXUAL! Look it up! There are whole webpages dealing with asexuality. Some men are asexual as well. Really, look it up and all you single guys thinking of marrying need to explore this issue! And if you do get an asexual, or low drive person somewhat interested because you put in ten times the work the sex is still ho hum! And I know from personal experience now because I finally had enough and went and found a couple very nice, very sexual girls. And there is a WORLD of difference. Trust me on this one!!!!!!!

    • There really are girls that don’t like sex. Doesn’t matter who you are, they just aren’t sexual. They do it for show. But it’s not a high percentage.

      I see your point though. I have been with plenty of girls that say they didn’t like sex until they met me. I have also been with girls that “pretend” they love it because they are interested in a relationship and they just aren’t sexual girls.

    • There really are girls that don’t like sex. Doesn’t matter who you are, they just aren’t sexual. They do it for show. But it’s not a high percentage.

      I see your point though. I have been with plenty of girls that say they didn’t like sex until they met me. I have also been with girls that “pretend” they love it because they are interested in a relationship and they just aren’t sexual girls.

    • yeah exactly, they are just taking the easiest path. Claiming “chastity”. But I don’t think it’s the majority of them. Still, too high to bet your entire life on.

    • yeah exactly, they are just taking the easiest path. Claiming “chastity”. But I don’t think it’s the majority of them. Still, too high to bet your entire life on.

    • 20Nation

      yeah some girls just dont have it in them to really like sex. and it makes waiting very easy

    • Al metzger

      No! That is no guarantee either! I married one but like Steve I waited until marriage and my life sucks! She is not passionate, is not sexual, and I just can’t take anymore!

    • 20Nation

      i feel for you brother

    • 20Nation

      I agree. Marrying a virgin can save you a lot of grief, but if she was a virgin the same problem could have happened. He just needed to be the only guy she had been with before they got married.

  • Claudia

    I can’t believe there are developed countries where people obey to a religion to such an extent. I live in Greece and even religious people are not virgins until marriage. Freedom of mind and body is something that every personality should have. Someone can have 1-2 sexual partners or million in his/her entire life. Through good and bad relationship and sexual life we learn ourselves better. It depends on each person’s personality how many sexual partners he/she believes should commit with. I can’t believe there are people who are virgins until marriage or they fuck with million people. These are extreme cases and as I can tell truth is somewhere in the middle…of course our choices show our personality. For example recurrent bad choices in sexual or sentimental life show maybe a problematic person. If someone was always religious and believed in ideal partner then it is very very possible that he would like to travel and fuck many chicks or believes that virgins are the only women who stay faithful (they are perfect). Being faithful is something that requires being both sentimental and logical IT IS A CHOICE OF LIFE. Going to extremes without learning for a long period of time sometimes ruins our motives. Of course when you are young you want to live a life full of experience! Just my thoughts!

    • 20Nation

      I don’t think there is anything wrong with a girl marrying the guy who takes her virginity, but waiting until marriage for sex is yes… crazy for both. I can also understand how girls want to live life, but it’s naturally built into men to want to settle down with an innocent girl. So it’s a choice to make.

    • splooge

      well our religious ancestors are the ones to develop those nations we merely inhertited and only made facebook,while they made the tech we enjoy. Hence why we do whatever we feel like it since everything is in abundance and can make bad decisions and rationalize it was good when knowing full well to stay away from it like a drug that spikes your dopamine. Now a days we just want our cake and eat it too. The problem is when one keeps it as secret,like you said our real personalitys show through our tastes whether we realize it or not. And we have to show it to our would be partner to analyze if its something they can handle. Its about choice sure but honesty as well.

    • 20Nation

      yeah and when contraception got popular, the consequences for these things for women just went away. It’s a lot harder for women of today not to be slutty than women of the past. And as you said, they just don’t NEED the resources like they did

  • Ian

    The religions teach everyone is going to hell for not conforming.

    Why did they use feudal language like “lord” and why do they want to control everyone’s sexuality so badly?

    What if theyre right and everyone is going to hell to burn forever?

    • 20Nation

      My dad used to say something like “religion is the opiate of the people.” It keeps people from becoming too ambitious and from rebelling. Most of the things it teaches are things that help a society run smoothly.

  • JJ Roberts

    You are confusing “stability” with lack of divorce.

    Marriage is
    not meant to be an unpleasant test of endurance with those who lack
    options or comparative experiences somehow the “winners”.

  • Funny timing as I just wrote a very similar cautionary tale from a slightly different perspective: http://www.youngmanredpill.com/2014/10/28/some-advice-for-the-nice-guys-out-there-why-you-must-learn-how-to-sexually-dominate-your-woman/

    A man must definitely have more sexual experience then his girl. This is not a double standard…it’s your life, as this post shows.

    I think all the ‘marry a virgin’ advice is nice…but pretty unrealistic these days. Seriously, how many virgins do we all know who are normal people? What are you, going to go to the countryside and find some Uber religious girl and make her your bride? Chances are she’ll be boring, or lacking in some way…and how are you going to find her?

    • 20Nation

      the girl I’m dating now was a virgin. She’s 19 though, so I think you have to find them young if you want girls with good personalities. Grew up very religion and likes sex. But I agree, it’s not easy to find.

  • Omega Man

    I swear that Millenial Men just don’t know how to fuck. This not only goes for the religious guys, the betas, and a lot of alphas too, but also for the married men who find their sex lives tapering off.

    The usual response is “WHA’ HAPPENED?????”

    I would suggest that the young men of today get an old copy of “JOY OF SEX” or any one of the half dozen or so guides on how to give women an orgasm consistently and study the contents as if your life and fortune depended upon it. Believe me it will. Your wife will not divorce you because you are and will be her best sex ever.

    If after 20 years of marriage your wife is still ripping your clothes off and dragging you into bed then you know you’re doing something right.

    • Omega Man

      Oh and I forget to add. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT 😉

    • 20Nation

      of course. and it’s another reason for the double standard. A guy is a pimp and a girl is a slut. It makes a man more attractive to be experienced and it makes a woman less attractive.

    • 20Nation

      You are so right. Friends ask me how I am able to get so many girls coming straight to my place for sex whenever I message. And that is a big part of it. Do her good and she will be coming back.

    • FN

      Man you should do a write up on sex techniques.

      What’s your game on this outline for giving it to her good-
      Plenty of foreplay (rub her tits and finger her to get her worked up)
      Round 1-
      Bend her over onto a angular pillow on the bed and go deep and hard doggy style like a maniac.
      Round 2-Some mutual oral favors and onto cowgirl.
      Round 3-spoon or missionary (then sleep).

      See the progression from sprint to jog to walk.

    • 20Nation

      Yeah I have actually thought about that for a future post. It’s an important part of game. There are so many ways to go out it, usually though I do it the opposite of you. Start with walking and end in a sprint.

    • GetItGoing

      Christian McQueen has a post on RoK some time back addressing this. Basically it highlights several reasons and details regarding being dominant & somewhat aggressive in the bedroom. A great article.

      The main point being that it is the opposite of “sensitive guy” bullshit and presents why being sexually aggressive is important to women.

    • I might have to check that out, but for me, in a way I start out kind of sensitive guyish. Slow and kissing her body etc. then I end like an animal.

      I also really switch it up. Sometimes it feels good to have sex with a lot of passion. (usually only with a girl you have feelings for) Sometimes it feels good to just take her (caveman style) and sometimes switching on and off during sex.

      I think it’s good to not just do it one way. Just like any one position, it can get boring if you do the same style like that all the time.

      Also I would add that if you try to do that sensitive shit with a girl that’s not REALLY into you then… it doesn’t work so well. So rough is better if you don’t know how much she is into you. Also there are certain girls that are so innocent and sensitive you can’t start rough on them. You have to slowly work up to it over a while. A lot of factors i think

    • Kit kat

      Lol to this guy getting off on himself in the comments

  • splooge

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7275558.stm

    this is even worse. When they lie to get in the relationship with you when you were honest. it says alot about a woman or guy that aint honest about their pasts to get in a relationship with you. If you cant trust your partner to be honest,then life will suck.Cuz now their baggage will bite you eventually. everything eventually comes out. Because it they are willing to lie about that they could be dishonest with many other things.

    my moms uncle was a player till he was 40 which is big no no in our culture even many girls dislike that in their men. But when time to get married he was straight up with his bride before tying the know(which i respect him for) and she took it thought about and still said yes. married for over 30yrs now. I would like to be him one day. When it comes to ltr I dont belive in lying, and I hope women have that too but thats naive thinking cuz they lie about everything or tell you half truths. crazy how much skeleton in the closet they get. Makes you adverse to marriage and dating sometimes. I think the honest girl with more milage is better then the dishonest with less for the most part. But of course bests to go with the new car when given the option even if shes a plain jane.

    plus with women they are not meant to be promiscuous, when their genitals get slashed an burned by the playboys they are too worn out to have sex with their husband thier most “important man”.The nice guy winds up finishing last. GUys we are not effected that way. even when we are 70 the urge is their…well with pills anyways.

    the dick not fiting come on. Vaginas stretch,they push out babies. If it dont fit make it fit,shell adapt. when shes too big cuz she played too much then yeah were screwed.

    • 20Nation

      The dick thing… as a man who traveled Asia I can tell you that it is very real. Sure, you can have sex with her and sure it will stretch, but there are some girls that it will be painful for every time. It happened to me too many times while i was there.

      But actually I think that is pretty cool about your uncle. I’m thinking more and more that one day my player lifestyle will end and I would like to think that I could settle down with the right girl.

      And yeah, honesty is almost everything in an LTR. You have to know you can trust her or you are in for a shitty roller coaster ride.

    • splooge

      no way lol, either the sterotype of them being tight is true or you are packin a 6 inch girth…so which is it lol

    • 20Nation

      haha no comment

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  • Quebecois

    Is hiding in EE a good option when one does NOT wait until marriage and fathers a child in, let’s say, DR, and abandons said baby? Any tips on body language when faced with angry family members/ hired help that might come after you for this?

    • haha. In my opinion you should feel lucky it’s a girl in the DR. It’s a third world country that doesn’t have the power to come after you for child support. Saying that, I think you should at least send some money to the kid. It doesn’t have to be much (DR is a very poor country), but enough that you are making sure your kid has what he needs (a ton less than the ridiculous amount of money you have to pay in western countries so that your ex can have some extra cash).

    • splooge

      id be carefulof that even more so. there are organizations out there that would helpwomen in third world countrys and chances are theyll come down hard on us western men. otherwise it would be a thing or epidemic of roursts babies.
      think youre better off with a swede or russian girl cuz no child support in former and rarely infored in kater.

    • still, if it’s really your kid in the DR, it might really need your help. That’s my opinion

    • haha. In my opinion you should feel lucky it’s a girl in the DR. It’s a third world country that doesn’t have the power to come after you for child support. Saying that, I think you should at least send some money to the kid. It doesn’t have to be much (DR is a very poor country), but enough that you are making sure your kid has what he needs (a ton less than the ridiculous amount of money you have to pay in western countries so that your ex can have some extra cash).

    • Jody Dayton Peace

      Send no money and forget it ever happened. Those chicks get knocked up to local guys and lie to foreigners to get a free meal ticket. They spend the money out drinking with their girlfriends and other guys. Next time be more careful, brother. Any non-Western country will be a good place to be if you have people looking for you who aren’t friendly.

  • David Morris

    No matter how Steve had done in his sexual past he was doomed the moment he married her. Steve could be great looking, have game, slept with hundreds of women ( off all nationalities ) been to swingers clubs, orgies, etc..etc.. yet his marriage would have ended the same – sexless. She would have still gamed him. They would have had epic sex before they were married. She would have made it her priority. Steve would have thought if sex is this great it will be ten times greater in marriage and he would be wrong! How do I know this? I was the alter ego of Steve and I have been gamed into marriage twice and I am writing this post in between looking at porn sites wondering if I will get my allotted sex this week!

    I feel your pain Al Metzger. If it makes you feel any better you are not alone and you did nothing wrong. This is just the state of most marriages. Some of the other guys on this board will still marry ( because they found the one that is different – ha! ) only to find out the cold hard truth only too late.

    • that is a depressing story David. ~_~

  • GetItGoing

    If you look closely at the man’s situation, you’ll notice something that contradicts his personal beliefs: By not being affectionate and also by denying her husband sex, she is in fact breaking her wedding vows.

    Time and time again there are examples where a man remains married to a woman because of his beliefs in “the covenant” of marriage yet remains in a situation his wife does not uphold the same. He in fact tolerates remaining in a marriage with a woman who is breaking her vows. She expects the benefits of a good husband but without the responsibility of being a good wife.

    Seems to me this contradicts itself. Also, by remaining in a situation and tolerating a woman’s selfish behavior, a man actually enables it. If you allow someone to do something with no repercussions, what do you expect?

    Stroll through the forums at talkaboutmarriage.com sometimes….you’ll see a lot of similar comments & stories. Very depressing!

  • The takeaway seems to advise against the relationship dynamic (dishonesty of fiance, dishonesty with oneself, desperation) rather than waiting. The idea of sex was important to Steve, but I’m willing to bet he didn’t communicate this with his partner pre-marriage, perhaps due to some shame. Afterall, the strongest point of not waiting is to determine her sexual compatibility, but this is not limited to the act of PIV sex.

    Steve would have been better off following my personal guideline: have sex with a woman only if you’re comfortable with her being the mother of your kids. Even if he waited, perhaps he would have screened her better.

    And the last part is true: if you’re going to marry, find a virgin. You might think it’s unrealistic, but so are the statistical chances of your marriage being successful if she’s had multiple partners. Just don’t make the mistake of bringing up your virginity first, lest she feel pressure to lie. Talk about sex in general, gauge how important it is to her, and emphasize a non-judgmental attitude.

  • Nasty Nomad

    Good insight here…

  • MissQ

    So, the men get to fuck around and the women are expected to keep it in their pants, unless of course they’re unlucky enough to meet you, then they HAVE to give it up, regardless of whether you plan on staying with her? Riiight.
    I’ll stay in my happy, perfect, open relationship thankyou. Oh, and my fiancée has never had an issue with his lack of experience compared to mine, he seems extremely happy with my skills in the bedroom.
    So you continue to restrict yourself, and I’ll enjoy my sexuality.

    • Alright and thats great, but the most high value guys just won’t put up with it. But a guy who’s happy just to have a girlfriend will.

  • Kit kat

    HEY GIRL HERE: All the girls you described as “not sexual” it’s most likely that the MAN is not doing something right or SHE’S FUCKING GAY but was brought up religious so she’s had to repress that her whole life. Or maybe she is straight and the fact that she had to wait until she was married to have sex left her with all these horrible feelings of being “dirty” and all that other garbage that religion shoves down woman’s throats in order to make them into “pure” “godly” robots that are perfect vessels for men.
    Simply saying that’s a lot of woman are “not sexual” is so fucking untrue and you’re doing something wrong and completely overlooking something.

    • Just like there are guys with hormonal issues there are also girls. They just arent sexual. It’s called being asexual, look it up. It’s actually not so uncommon.

      To what else you are saying, if it’s a girl who has been horny but no longer is, then yeah it’s probably the guys fault and vice versa with women. But sometimes it’s literally that some girls just have tight little vaginas that dont stretch well, so girls like that will enjoy sex the most with small guys. If this guy really was big, it could be the issue. But yeah, he also wasn’t the most attractive dude(personality wise or physically).