One Secret You Should Keep From Women

20NationGame19 Comments

one secret you should never tell women
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One Secret You Should Keep From Women

one secret you should keep from women

Women have been masters of manipulation from the beginning of time, it’s not by choice, but because they have never been able to use physical force. By revealing one thing to women, you give them power over you. By telling them this, you kill the mystery you have and you kill the challenge you as a man pose to them. What is this one bit of information that is so important to hide? Simple… It’s what you want.


What do I mean

The one secret you should keep from women is what you desire most, what you feel you need or simply what you want. What you want is some of the most important information you have, it’s not something you should give up easily.

Now, in this situation I’m using this as it pertains to gaming women. You should never let a girl know what exactly you want nor how much you want it.

If you want to sleep with the girl, don’t make it obvious. If you want a relationship with a girl, don’t make it obvious. This information is precious and woman can use it to make your life very difficult or to simply disqualify you as a possible lover. In this sense, game is almost like chess.


What women can do with “your wants”

I started thinking about this as I was writing my book about online dating. I was adding a part about how important it is to know what type of girl it is because that will usually determine what she wants. Then, you can hint at those things that she wants and get the girl. One of the most important things in elite online game, is finding what she wants. Then I thought “Wait, who are the masters of this?

Women. They are masters of manipulation and here are some of the things they can do with typical information from you while dating.


You give the impression you are most interested in sex

If she’s not most interested in sex, you’ve just made it harder for you to score. Maybe she will keep making you wait because she wants you to score or maybe she will write you off all together.

If she, like you,  is most interested in sex, now that she knows that it’s what you want, she can use this to get you to jump through hoops for you. A lot of shit tests are born because men make it obvious how badly they want sex. The woman then sees an opportunity for free meals, you doing whatever she wants, all the while she is dangling it in front of your face.


You give the impression you are most interested in a relationship

If that’s what she was looking for, she will be happy about this hint, but she will also see that she can draw out a long courtship phase. She can get you to take her all over and she knows that you will probably do whatever it takes so that she will be your “girlfriend.”

If it’s not what she’s looking for, or at least so soon, you have  just painted yourself as desperate (think Ted from How I met your mother), and you have still given her power to get you to do many things for her.


You give the impression you aren’t interested in her

This will obviously make her insecure and it will effectively take away all of her power to manipulate you. If she was  interested in you, she will be bummed and may become offended. “Why doesn’t he like me? I don’t need this guy.”

If she wasn’t interested in you, you will make her think the same thing, but you can hurt her pride as well.


The Mixed Message

You give the impression you aren’t interested, you are interested in sex and that you are interested in a relationship, randomly throughout the interaction

This is what you should be going for. You are physically escalating, so she subconsciously thinks you are into her. But you are teasing her and you are completely aloof so maybe you don’t like her. You mentioned that you miss going to movies with your ex-girlfriend, but then you do something to show that you are willing to walk away from her if she isn’t acting right. She has no idea what you want from her.

If you put a girl in this position, she will go with you back to your place, because she really isn’t sure what it is you want. She’s still trying to figure that out, and mystery brings out a strong curiosity in all human beings. She may not try to hold out on sex, because the logic from making a guy wait for sex is: “Well it’s clear he really wants me, so he will wait for sex.” But if it’s not clear that you are into her, that strategy won’t be much of a strategy on her part.


How I use this

The one secret you should keep from women is your wants; I keep this in mind when I go on dates with girls. On those dates, I will very rarely kiss a girl before she is back at my place. I will physically escalate, but I will not kiss her. Why? Because a kiss is letting her what you want. From the kiss, she knows you want sex, a relationship or both. That is more information than I want her to know at this point. So, I will wait until I get her to my room before going for the kiss. That reduces the chances that she will not agree to go back with me.

Then, to get her back, when we are close to a grocery store, I might say something like “I should get some things so I can eat tonight. It’s ok?” You aren’t being a dick about it, but subconsciously she will get the message that the date isn’t going perfect and you want to shop. You have been being sexual and escalating, so these things will send a very mixed message. She will think you like her, but all that she knows is that you aren’t falling all over her like the majority of men do. Now she must win you over.

I’m not saying that kissing a girl quickly is always bad, for example, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to kiss a girl quickly. Why? Because it’s a really good way to screen if girls are DTF.

I will also send all sorts of signals about whether or not I like her or what I am interested in. I am a puzzle that she must figure out. She can’t have power over me, if she doesn’t know what I want.


Other game advice works because of this principle

Another part of not revealing what you want, is not revealing how much you want something. This is why you are not supposed to say “I need” you  should use “I want” instead.

You should be willing to walk away when a girl misbehaves. She is misbehaving, in part, because she wants to find out how much you like her and how she can use it. When you reply by smiling and saying “Ok.” Then walking away, you will confuse her as to what you wanted. You were talking to her, so something about her must have interested you… or maybe you just wanted to talk because you were bored. She now knows you don’t like her enough so she can manipulate you and it will make her want you more. This, and she will continue wanting you more and more because she has no idea what you do want.

When you are aloof, you are basically showing that you don’t need anything that she is offering. You aren’t enamored with what she is saying, you aren’t telling complex jokes trying to impress her; you are still hiding whether or not you are interested in her.


Not revealing what you want makes you more desirable

The simple  fact that you don’t reveal to her what exactly you want from her by itself actually makes you more attractive. If she doesn’t clearly know what you want, then you are obviously in control of the frame. You are not putting her on a pedestal or suggesting that she is out of your league. As she picks up on this it will make you more attractive in her eyes. You are the puzzle she can’t pause and she will want to continue trying to solve you.

Girls DON’T want men that they can manipulate. The more you do to make it harder for her to manipulate you, the happier she will be with you. It’s sad, but true.


Why you shouldn’t say “I love you” first

Saying “I love you” reveals what you want. Saying it first, tells her that you want it more than her. That will put you in the chasing position and most women will use this to get the upper hand in a relationship. If she tells you she loves you first, then you know what she wants. You now know what she wants and how much she wants it.



How women use “what you want” in relationships

Serious relationships with girls reveal the worst of women using what you want to get what they want. You want to see your kids? Well you better do what I say. You want sex tonight? Well you better clean the kitchen. You want me to keep cooking and cleaning? You better let me spend all your money. Once a girl finds out what a guy wants most from a girl, she will usually use it to get what she wants.


The One Secret You Should Keep From Women

Contrary to what most people believe, the person who is most willing to walk away, has the most power in a relationship. By being willing to walk away you are showing her that she doesn’t understand or have what you want. The messages that you were sending that made her believe you wanted her, are even more confusing now.

There are always exceptions, but overall this is a good rule to have. It’s the right way to think about it and doing this will allow you to hook up with a higher variety of different types of girls. You won’t only have to choose from the small percentage of girls that are most interested in sex. This is why what you want is the one secret you should keep from women.



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About the Author


I'm an American who has spent all of the last 6 years traveling the world and seducing women which has given me a level of expertise that can change your life. Check out my books: 1) The Key Logger 2) The Perfect Conversation 3) What Makes a Woman Want You 4) Elite Online Dating 5) Signs She Likes You 6) 9 Laws of Attractive Body Language 7) The Single Guy's Playground: Sex and Adventure in South East Asia and more. Or get all 9 of my books for 60% off (only $31.99) Like getting 6 of 9 books free!

  • Vincent Vinturi

    Interesting article, 20.

    I’m always very clear about what I want but I communicate it primarily on the non-verbal channels. Rarely do I say it aloud. Unless I’m turning up the heat and then I start the dirty talk.

    Are you saying it’s smoother to play a more subtle game? As in, tip-toe the line between her being certain you want her and not being sure…?

    I’ve done the whole PUA ignore them and pretend like you don’t care thing. That was a big fail. Now my style is quite direct and cavemanish and I have a lot of success with it.

    But maybe my game needs the kind of balance and finesse you’re talking about. What do you think?

    • 20Nation

      Yeah i’ve found it best to communicate your attraction on non-verbal channels. It’s good, the idea is that they can’t know how much you want them and if you really want them or if they have you all wrong. If you’re not partly saying that you want them, it won’t work. I’ve just found this works best for me when pulling in a broader range of types of girls (i grew up mormon, so good girls are my specialty).

    • heavy

      Great article and comments. I’ve found more direct game, cavemanish stuff can get you laid, and does show confidence and builds attraction, but in the long run can hurt you. This is where I like heartiste’s alpha definition vs just notch count…it’s about attraction…how many are attracted, how hot are they, and how attracted are they. Potential ceiling there is limitless, vs direct game where you peak many times at copulation.
      See The Psychology of Persuasion…the most powerful one is Scarcity…the threat of losing something.

    • 20Nation

      good comment heavy. I totally agree.

    • Vincent Vinturi

      Makes sense. There’s a big cultural component to it, too. Going direct in the US did not work nearly as well as it does in SEA. How much of that is due to American women being fucked in the head vs. the superiority of one style of game over another…that is a big question.

    • 20Nation

      yeah direct does work well in other places. But at the same time how much of that has to do with the fact that right off the bat you are interesting (exotic foreigner) and usually higher value. Brad Pitt can direct open anybody he wants, because he’s interesting and really high value.

      However,you can still direct approach somebody and hide your intentions, You may start out opening her saying your cute, but you can throw curve balls from there.

    • Josh Bar

      Sounds like a variation of push-pull / hot and cold

    • 20Nation

      it’s in a way a psychology behind it

  • Chris

    Interesting – I learned the hard way to do the exact oposite. I was a niceguy virgin until I found pickup and experienced the “I take what I want” mentality – my first rule it to kiss as soon as possible on the first date TO LET HER KNOW very early on that she can either follow me or leave.

    It makes no sense to me to hide my intentions …

    • Chris

      I just thought a bit more 🙂

      I still keep my point:
      I approach a lot, I escalate hard, I communicate what I want – fuckbudy, and I communicate what I don’t want – commited monogamous relationship.
      I loose a lot of girls that way – but for me that’s a filter. I also gained a few that are gold to me.

    • 20Nation

      Yeah you are using it as a filter and that’s fine. However, those girls you are filtering out, someone is fucking. Girls have no idea what they really want.You can be escalating and sexual, while still not revealing exactly what you want.

    • 20Nation

      Also what a lot of guys do, is instead of not letting them know what they want, they don’t let them know how much they want it or, in some cases, they may not want it that much to begin with.
      Hooking up with a lot of girls gives you an aloofness that’s hard to fake. You have had a lot so you realize you don’t need it, because you can easily find another girl that’s willing. However, I feel like bringing your game to the next level is when you can get any girl (even the girls you would usually screen out for not being sexual or someth).

  • Fisto

    This seems to be more of a style preference or even just a situational. Some girls find a guy that knows what he wants and makes it clear irresistible. Other girls like to be teased be pursued indirectly.

    • 20Nation

      i agree too, sometimes it’s the best way to go. If you go direct it’s usually less work on your part too. However, it usually works best with girls that already feel a ton of attraction for you.

      if you don’t reveal what you want, you can still get the same result from both types. There are a lot of girls that if you give the impression “i just want to start out with sex and see where it goes.” will screen you out immediately(the same girl that you would end up in a relationship with). Nobody will screen you out if they don’t know what you want.

    • Fisto

      Maybe I’m not understanding what you’re trying to say. But it seems like you’re worried about being “screened out”. I think that’s in conflict with the “I am the prize, take or leave it” mentality.

    • 20Nation

      The “I am the prize” mentality is essential, but she needs to hook first (get some type of interest). If she screens you out immediately you won’t get a chance to hook.

      All that aside, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you use this subconsciously. If she can read you like a book, you are telegraphing your desires. You can still go direct and not telegraph your desires.

  • kyvie caldges

    I am what some might call a natural born. I have been working this game since my balls dropped, and cultivating the ability to walk away is the single biggest game changer. It’s what separates alphas from everyone else.
    I used to tend bar in New Orleans on Bourbon Street. Wow. I felt like those kids in Willy Wonka when they entered that entire room made of candy.
    I would constantly have women sit at the bar and wait for me to get off work, for hours sometimes. I had a beta co worker ask me my secret. He could not figure out why they waited for me.
    And the answer is simple.

    Because I made them wait for me.

  • Nicole and Josh

    This is dumb. Lol look all you gotta do is tell a woman you admire honesty and that you prefer women to be upfront, as soon as you have your first date with her. You need to be honest and upfront as well. After that, you can tell if your dealing with a genuine sincere person or not. You can find out all her intentions from that point. Instead of both of you wasting time and playing games just grow up and let go of the fear of rejection. A lot of relationships whether sexual or more, someone ends up insecure and hurt. It’s better to be upfront because it helps to give both of you the confidence to choose whether you really want to deal with that person or not. It also helps with rejection. You can take it and not feel less of a man or woman.
    Playing games can give you false emotions. Women are pretty good about being in touch with their intuition and so should men. If you’re a guy with only one thing on his mind(sex) then be honest. You will waste time struggling to get what you want when you could just have it right away. There are a world full of whores and some don’t make it that obvious. To get what you want right away you got to throw it out to her that you don’t want a relationship. Then suggest having some fun spending some money taking her out. By the end of the night make sure she understands what you want but don’t push her. Let her do some of the seducing.

    Games are for people who are insecure and just plain sick. Don’t play mind games unless you mean well and it’s for teasing each other for fun.

  • enthusiast

    Thanks for the insight. This is actually true. I have been teaching my son about this game and tactics even before I read all your blogs. Now it only proves that my observation and experience through the years with mens behaviour are right on point.
    I first came across Fisto’s blog about his experience. I may hate him but couldn’t disagree nor argue about it. So I started reading all the blog here mostly yours since it makes more sense.
    This also will be a useful tool for me. I have been teaching woman on how to take care of their man and how to win their man’s affection back.
    And as i have been telling woman of different ages that relationship is always like a mind game with men everyday.
    Women must know what a man want and don’t start a game with a guy you know you can’t win.
    We as woman also must know how to take rejection. Never chase a guy if they walk away. “Let him go his not for you, deal with the pain it will heal in time”.