Love Vs. Lust – Which Should Men Pursue?

20NationEverything else, Women22 Comments

Share Article:

Love Vs. Lust – Which Should Men Pursue?

love vs. lust

As most of you know, I have been quite a man-whore this last half a decade or so, but, as most of you also know, I have made an intense connection or two, might even call it love (THE Polish girl). Experiencing these things, leads me to wonder what should men really be pursuing?

Love vs. lust, making love vs. sex, searching for a genuine connection vs. searching for pure sexual ecstasy.  However you want to look at it, there is not an easy winner. Hollywood movies would make it seem that the answer is obvious… what is greater than love? Much of the Manosphere would tell you the opposite, that to give yourself to only one girl is to defy your very nature.

So what should you be searching for in a relationship? What will bring you, as a man, the most happiness? That is the question I hope to answer with this article.

 

love vs. lust

Animal horniness vs. Emotional fulfillment and making a connection

There is something deep inside us men. It is as instinctual to us as breathing. This is our animal horniness. This causes all men on the planet to seek out pornography and new pussy at all times. This desire is intensely strong and feels amazing when we let it out.

Vs.

Most of us have a yearning for something deeper. Some way to really connect to a girl. This is when you will feel amazing just spending time with them. You understand each other on a deeper level and it feels like you are going through life and taking on challenges together.

 

Cuddling, talking and spending time vs. Excitement and rush of spending time gaming (failure, uncertainty, success) and the throws of passion

I won’t deny that I enjoy cuddling. When I find a girl who I really like, I like to hang out in bed a lot and talk. This is awesome because it just feels like I’m really at home. You spend your time getting to know her better. Just enjoying being together. This is a special feeling and it’s the perfect time to really connect.

Vs.

The rush of chasing new pussy is something that is more addictive than any drug I have tried (and I have tried a lot). You find a girl. She is sexy and speaks to your animal horniness. Then, you pursue her. You can’t know for sure if she will be yours. She could reject you. This makes it more interesting and, if you get her, it makes the sensation even greater.

 

The joy of the chase and conquering (putting in work) vs. Pussy always coming to you (more relaxed work)

We all have a horniness that needs to be fulfilled. Most men have to get out there, chase after girls and put in the work to get that horniness filled. If you are a single guy, you will use that deep instinct to motivate you to go meet and seduce girls. Then, once you get the girl your manly instinct to conquer is fulfilled. You have to put in the work, but you can really feel like a man afterwards (if she’s hot enough ;)).

The joy of the chase comes from the challenge I think. We men want challenges, we need them to really be happy. Then, you combine that with our masculine desire to conquer… and you have a real good time.

Vs.

If you are in a relationship, this desire for sex will be satisfied much more easily. The pussy will literally come to you. You still have to put in relationship game work, but it’s much more relaxed. It’s nice to know that you can have sex almost every single day without having to really work for it. (If your girlfriend is not putting out for you, this is not love and you should work on your relationship game.) The sex can be excellent when you try to experiment with new things.

 

Independent (can’t be bothered) Vs. Dependent (they could destroy your mood)

Being a playboy and chasing after girls is also care free in a lot of ways. No one girl has the power to ruin your mood or fuck with your head. You are not worried about what they are doing. You do not need any girl, just yourself.

Vs.

In a serious relationship you become dependent on them. You become dependent on talking to them and being around them. When you lose this, you get a sort of withdrawal. Then, there is down side that comes from fighting. You can be a hundred percent happy man and this important person in your life can say one thing and destroy it. This dependency can also bring feelings of belonging and not being alone. Humans are very social and are not meant to be alone.

 

Aloofness Vs. Jealousy

When you don’t have feelings past lust, you are completely aloof. You care very little if other guys are chasing after her. This will actually make you more attractive to her.

Vs.

When you do have strong feelings, good luck not feeling jealousy. Jealousy is a strong emotion and it also has a strong purpose. This purpose is to help guarantee that you are the one that knocks her up and not some other guy. A very important task especially when, scientifically, the point of our lives is to survive and reproduce. This brings intense feelings that can be very annoying.

 

Not having somebody, but not being let down vs. Having somebody you trust to be there

When you are a single man, you don’t need anybody. You can take on the world and face anything all on your own. You can’t be let down because you know you are the only person you need.

Vs.

When you are in a great relationship, you know you can depend on that person for anything. It’s very nice to have somebody you can always count on. Just the feeling alone, brings a sort of deep security.

 

Lust can be extinguished after sex vs. Love is hard to extinguish

Sometimes you meet a girl you really like. Everything goes quickly and you end up having sex with her. Those feelings (lust) that you felt are immediately extinguished after. Lust can end so fast, it is fleeting.

Vs.

A girl you really care about will not just leave your mind after 15 minutes of sex. She will be there a long time. Love is very hard to extinguish, it lasts much longer. The downside is that this can make her very hard to forget after a breakup.

 

Really knowing somebody vs. The desire for something new

Really knowing somebody is special; knowing her personality, knowing her body, her past, her problems… everything. It helps create a deep connection. It’s a fun process of getting to know a side of her very few people know.

Vs.

There is also something inside of us that makes us want to see what else is out there. We go through life and we see girls that look like Christmas presents. You see that they look nice, but you must tear through the wrapping paper to see what is really there. Maybe its a huge piece of gold or maybe it’s just a pair of socks. The surprise is what helps make it interesting. It’s what makes it fun to meet and get to know new girls over and over.

 

Conlusion: Which should men pursue? Love vs. Lust

I wanted to pick a winner, but honestly I cant. I’ve had both and I will tell you right now… they are both very special. The feeling I have while traveling the world and seducing woman after woman is something I can only describe as pure manly happiness. However, what I had with THE Polish girl I wouldn’t trade for 100 bangs. We humans are complex creatures with many amazing feelings that can only be experienced by doing different things.

My advice to you all is to search out both. Don’t deny your masculine instincts, but don’t pass up the chance for love.

The next bit of advice I will give you is to work on yourself. You want to work on your game and seduction of women. Don’t make the mistake Mystery did in his pickup advice and only work on the seduction (famously documented how his followers had trouble hanging onto girlfriends). You must work on yourself as a man. You will find that this will enable you to have a deeper connection of love.

You can check out my book Understanding Sexual Attraction: What Makes a Woman Want You. It talks about what exactly it is that makes you attractive women and how you can be constantly improving yourself as a man.  You can also get all 6 of my books in a bundle for 60% off the normal price (27$ total) by clicking here.

Share Article:
About the Author

20Nation

I'm an American who has spent all of the last 6 years traveling the world and seducing women which has given me a level of expertise that can change your life. Check out my books: 1) The Key Logger 2) The Perfect Conversation 3) What Makes a Woman Want You 4) Elite Online Dating 5) Signs She Likes You 6) 9 Laws of Attractive Body Language 7) The Single Guy's Playground: Sex and Adventure in South East Asia and more. Or get all 9 of my books for 60% off (only $31.99) Like getting 6 of 9 books free!

  • Jae

    Thx for this article broke up 3years of relationship and this site has been helping me a lot 🙂 btw what happened between u and the polish girl if u dont mind me asking?

    • No problem Jae. I’m really glad the site has helped you. I was with her for about 2 years, but me traveling the world just wouldn’t let it work out. It gives me hope for when I eventually want to stop traveling though ;).

  • Oops, I did it again

    Pursue both. Most all my lusts turn into loves — sometimes not what I want, but the girls tend to fall for me. Perhaps because i started early on the love track, marrying my high school sweetheart, iI developed that love vibe that chick dig. They like to see long term relationship potential in me, even the ONS’s.

    But, love is just a word. What’s important is the connection it implies (stole from Matrix Revolutions). The high school sweetheart was never strongly connected, so I ended the marriage a few years ago. However, I was invested in the idea of love at a very young age and brought that into my marriage. Like game, it’s a skillset that’s now part of my DNA, so much so that it’s part of my game. And, if I can get below the surface of a girl beyond a bang or two, I have a high rate of converting them to loves. They love me despite my known player qualities, which I display up front. Also, I’ve been the lover for so long, that no amount of work on purse lust game will completely flush the lover outta my blood.

    I think a man can pursue both, turning some of his lusts into loves, always keeping his options open and never locking himself down to a single girl or situation.

  • Oops, I did it again
    Pursue both. Most all my lusts turn into loves — sometimes not what I want, but the girls tend to fall for me. Perhaps because i started early on the love track, marrying my high school sweetheart, iI developed that love vibe that chick dig. They like to see long term relationship potential in me, even the ONS’s.

    But, love is just a word. What’s important is the connection it implies (stole from Matrix Revolutions). The high school sweetheart was never strongly connected, so I ended the marriage a few years ago. However, I was invested in the idea of love at a very young age and brought that into my marriage. Like game, it’s a skillset that’s now part of my DNA, so much so that it’s part of my game. And, if I can get below the surface of a girl beyond a bang or two, I have a high rate of converting them to loves. They love me despite my known player qualities, which I display up front. Also, I’ve been the lover for so long, that no amount of work on purse lust game will completely flush the lover outta my blood.

    I think a man can pursue both, turning some of his lusts into loves, always keeping his options open and never locking himself down to a single girl or situation.

    ——–

    Well said oops. May have acidently deleted your comment ;). I agree with that, all my loves started out as lusts. But at the same time, if you go clubbing every night and hope to find girlfriend material it won’t be as easy. However, if you go day gaming in the right spots you will find that type of girl easier. So i still think its good to search for both.

    • Oops, I did it again

      Nope, you’re good. I deleted it. Not sure why now, other than I felt it was outta place for a moment. Or I was just in a funk.

      I’ve just learned that there are 50 shades of gray (as the ladies would say), and not all things are so black/white, this-or-that. While it’s nice to whittle life down to simple A/B choices at times, life is typically a symphony of complexities that a man can explore to his advantage.

      I used to “club” but certainly not for girlfriend material. That was ONS hunting — bangs, blowjobs, etc. That was pure fun and adventure, at least while it lasted, at least before I burned out.

      What Ive found is that if I keep my radar on, opportunity is all around me. I’m on month 5 of a mini-relationship with a slim, fit Nica girl here in the states who I met through Uber, of all places. She picked ME up, so to speak. I mentioned something about dancing and got her digits. A couple weeks later I got round to texting her and, well, the rest is history.

      I wasn’t looking for love, and I wasn’t even in lust at that time. I was just “on”,. I was just doin’ my thing — ya know, movin’, groovin’,… like a sex machine!

      I actually push/pulled her away a couple of times. And perhaps that’s the reason she’s the most solid gf material in my stable right now. She wants me. She loves me, despite my asshole moves at times. She also happens to be the most lusty of all my girls too, DTF at the drop of a hat. She just remarked to me how different it is that when I call, she comes. I described my Svengali powers and how it wasn’t really her choice not to come when I called. 😉

      Anyway, just stopped into say that both love and lust are good. And you can have both in the same girl. Just keep expectations in line with reality and never let any woman force you into being exclusive — a sure recipe for unhappiness.

    • Cecil J

      That would make a cool Nicholas Jack book-game tactics to make a girl fall in love with you, how to convert lust to love, how to make them love you and fall in love while still being a player, etc. All that wrapped into one volume would be like having a secret weapon and if you find one you REALLY like then the odds are much higher you can keep her if you want to using 20s game methods.

    • hmmm thas actually a pretty sweet book idea. ill write it down. thx cecil

  • Bahlza Dragon

    Love is an illusion created by chemicals in the brain; its sole purpose is to create pair bonds to foster child rearing. It’s a losing deal for men. Harpies use men for resources and protection and then spread their legs for a conga line of men in hopes of procuring genetic diversity.

    For the wise men, women are simply companionship, a diversion with a warm body that will allow you do drain your gravy bags into it–for a share of your resources in either a literal or figurative transaction. Caveat emptor.

    • i disagree. even though love may just be chemicals in the brain, every other happy feeling we get is exactly the same. does that mean we should stop trying to be happy because ot is just chemicals in our brain?

      Love is our bodies greatest reward system. it is more intense of a good feeling than you will feel anywhere else. that is what makes it special and if you never find anything liek it, you will have missed out on one of the best feelings in the world. even if that feeling doesn’t last.

    • Bahlza Dragon

      Man, if you’re going to be all honest and serious, I can’t compete. I bet you’re a handsome bastard, too, so saying all these things to women probably make their snatches melt like a chocolate bar in a s’more. Not fair, man.

  • Pavus

    Hi 20Nation, i found your web last year, bought all your pdf books, its content was so great that. Sometimes i felt weird that suddenly im having sex spree with local girls here at Kota Kinabalu,Sabah,Malaysia. u inspired me to create my own blog in local language. https://mengayat.wordpress.com/ now im inspiring local man here to keep flirting XD.

    • thats awesome man. i wish you success. I love to hear about these things. keep up the good work 😉

  • Cecil J

    20 and THC what would each of say are your top 5 countries you’ve been to for girls?

    • Colombia, Brazil, Philippines, Indonesia, Thailand are my current pussy paradises. I had a great time in Poland, tons of potential to rise into my top 5 but I need to spend more time in Easter Europe first.

  • Bruno

    20 i love ur articles. I was in a serious relationship and it got fucked. I knew about game before but my ex was the kind of girl who sucks it out of u… Swoop the world helped me come back to being alfa. But after a while i found a girl that I genuinely liked. Now we r going to move in tigether. I rlly apreciate how ur reflection seems to lay out stages in my life. I love the website and it defenetly helped me
    And keeps helping me constantly in various ways. Thank you.

    • Bruno

      Id love if u did some articles on relationship game. Or a book even

    • sure, ill do some future articles on it

    • I love hearing that swoop helps people. gives me
      motivation to make it better :D. yeah Bruno, i’ve been there. serious relationships arent the end of the game, just the beginning.

  • The classic masculine paradox
    After thinking about it. The ideal situation for me would be to be a King with his Queen.
    And of course his concubines like King Solomon 😉

    • haha yesss. almost every single alpha male famous man agrees with you (ie. arnie)

  • In my opinion it’s better to look for lust first than love. Like you said turn that lust to love. Let her get to know your sexual, carefree, need nobody personality first. Then let her (after sex of course) discovered your lovers personality. It gives her a nice surprise. Great article man

    • Yeah i understand your point. but going with the ideas from my newest articles. if ur jist looking for easy sex, you probably wont find the best gf types.