Love Vs. Lust – Which Should Men Pursue?
As most of you know, I have been quite a man-whore this last half a decade or so, but, as most of you also know, I have made an intense connection or two, might even call it love (THE Polish girl). Experiencing these things, leads me to wonder what should men really be pursuing?
Love vs. lust, making love vs. sex, searching for a genuine connection vs. searching for pure sexual ecstasy. However you want to look at it, there is not an easy winner. Hollywood movies would make it seem that the answer is obvious… what is greater than love? Much of the Manosphere would tell you the opposite, that to give yourself to only one girl is to defy your very nature.
So what should you be searching for in a relationship? What will bring you, as a man, the most happiness? That is the question I hope to answer with this article.
Animal horniness vs. Emotional fulfillment and making a connection
There is something deep inside us men. It is as instinctual to us as breathing. This is our animal horniness. This causes all men on the planet to seek out pornography and new pussy at all times. This desire is intensely strong and feels amazing when we let it out.
Most of us have a yearning for something deeper. Some way to really connect to a girl. This is when you will feel amazing just spending time with them. You understand each other on a deeper level and it feels like you are going through life and taking on challenges together.
Cuddling, talking and spending time vs. Excitement and rush of spending time gaming (failure, uncertainty, success) and the throws of passion
I won’t deny that I enjoy cuddling. When I find a girl who I really like, I like to hang out in bed a lot and talk. This is awesome because it just feels like I’m really at home. You spend your time getting to know her better. Just enjoying being together. This is a special feeling and it’s the perfect time to really connect.
The rush of chasing new pussy is something that is more addictive than any drug I have tried (and I have tried a lot). You find a girl. She is sexy and speaks to your animal horniness. Then, you pursue her. You can’t know for sure if she will be yours. She could reject you. This makes it more interesting and, if you get her, it makes the sensation even greater.
The joy of the chase and conquering (putting in work) vs. Pussy always coming to you (more relaxed work)
We all have a horniness that needs to be fulfilled. Most men have to get out there, chase after girls and put in the work to get that horniness filled. If you are a single guy, you will use that deep instinct to motivate you to go meet and seduce girls. Then, once you get the girl your manly instinct to conquer is fulfilled. You have to put in the work, but you can really feel like a man afterwards (if she’s hot enough ;)).
The joy of the chase comes from the challenge I think. We men want challenges, we need them to really be happy. Then, you combine that with our masculine desire to conquer… and you have a real good time.
If you are in a relationship, this desire for sex will be satisfied much more easily. The pussy will literally come to you. You still have to put in relationship game work, but it’s much more relaxed. It’s nice to know that you can have sex almost every single day without having to really work for it. (If your girlfriend is not putting out for you, this is not love and you should work on your relationship game.) The sex can be excellent when you try to experiment with new things.
Independent (can’t be bothered) Vs. Dependent (they could destroy your mood)
Being a playboy and chasing after girls is also care free in a lot of ways. No one girl has the power to ruin your mood or fuck with your head. You are not worried about what they are doing. You do not need any girl, just yourself.
In a serious relationship you become dependent on them. You become dependent on talking to them and being around them. When you lose this, you get a sort of withdrawal. Then, there is down side that comes from fighting. You can be a hundred percent happy man and this important person in your life can say one thing and destroy it. This dependency can also bring feelings of belonging and not being alone. Humans are very social and are not meant to be alone.
Aloofness Vs. Jealousy
When you don’t have feelings past lust, you are completely aloof. You care very little if other guys are chasing after her. This will actually make you more attractive to her.
When you do have strong feelings, good luck not feeling jealousy. Jealousy is a strong emotion and it also has a strong purpose. This purpose is to help guarantee that you are the one that knocks her up and not some other guy. A very important task especially when, scientifically, the point of our lives is to survive and reproduce. This brings intense feelings that can be very annoying.
Not having somebody, but not being let down vs. Having somebody you trust to be there
When you are a single man, you don’t need anybody. You can take on the world and face anything all on your own. You can’t be let down because you know you are the only person you need.
When you are in a great relationship, you know you can depend on that person for anything. It’s very nice to have somebody you can always count on. Just the feeling alone, brings a sort of deep security.
Lust can be extinguished after sex vs. Love is hard to extinguish
Sometimes you meet a girl you really like. Everything goes quickly and you end up having sex with her. Those feelings (lust) that you felt are immediately extinguished after. Lust can end so fast, it is fleeting.
A girl you really care about will not just leave your mind after 15 minutes of sex. She will be there a long time. Love is very hard to extinguish, it lasts much longer. The downside is that this can make her very hard to forget after a breakup.
Really knowing somebody vs. The desire for something new
Really knowing somebody is special; knowing her personality, knowing her body, her past, her problems… everything. It helps create a deep connection. It’s a fun process of getting to know a side of her very few people know.
There is also something inside of us that makes us want to see what else is out there. We go through life and we see girls that look like Christmas presents. You see that they look nice, but you must tear through the wrapping paper to see what is really there. Maybe its a huge piece of gold or maybe it’s just a pair of socks. The surprise is what helps make it interesting. It’s what makes it fun to meet and get to know new girls over and over.
Conlusion: Which should men pursue? Love vs. Lust
I wanted to pick a winner, but honestly I cant. I’ve had both and I will tell you right now… they are both very special. The feeling I have while traveling the world and seducing woman after woman is something I can only describe as pure manly happiness. However, what I had with THE Polish girl I wouldn’t trade for 100 bangs. We humans are complex creatures with many amazing feelings that can only be experienced by doing different things.
My advice to you all is to search out both. Don’t deny your masculine instincts, but don’t pass up the chance for love.
The next bit of advice I will give you is to work on yourself. You want to work on your game and seduction of women. Don’t make the mistake Mystery did in his pickup advice and only work on the seduction (famously documented how his followers had trouble hanging onto girlfriends). You must work on yourself as a man. You will find that this will enable you to have a deeper connection of love.
You can check out my book Understanding Sexual Attraction: What Makes a Woman Want You. It talks about what exactly it is that makes you attractive women and how you can be constantly improving yourself as a man. You can also get all 6 of my books in a bundle for 60% off the normal price (27$ total) by clicking here.