Brotherhood: Inspired From A Comment
I was recently reading some comments on my recent “We Are In Haiti!” post, and in the comments I noticed something when a reply asked for advice on direction in his life.
* Special thanks to commenter’s Rawr and Ovid.
Hi folks, I’ve been reading this blog for sometime as I am fascinated with the approach you guys take. I have a question for 20nation as you’ve mentioned that you lost all your social skills as a result of gaming addiction. I’m in the same boat, 23, and I don’t know how to rebuild myself. I second guess everything that I say but I am working on becoming more confident, not just for girls, but for my future well being. I’m wondering if you can offer me any advice, tips etc for improving? My mum recently passed away and I’ve gained so much negative momentum that I don’t know where to start. I’m on the verge of giving up, quitting my job and using the little money I have to just travel for aslong as possible. Any advice would be so appreciated. Keep up the good work 🙂
I knew exactly what he was going through as I had gone through the exact same thing, so I felt compelled to respond with a well thought out answer:
I really think it might be a good idea for you to quit your job, but only if you are not happy. If you are not happy in your life right now why wouldn’t you change it. If you are serious about this I would suggest taking the couple weeks to think it over for sure. Then you want to cancel or sell everything you have to make payments on (i can travel on little money because I don’t have to make payments on many things). Then I would suggest going to the Philippines. The best way to get your confidence back up is to get laid and to see that you are a high value guy; the philippines will help you do that.
Then you want to improve yourself. You need to reconstruct your social skills so you will want to read books and blogs on it and act on it. 50/50. If you only do one or the other you are stunting how long it will take you to improve. If you just read and don’t go out and go after girls all those words won’t be internalized. If you just go out and hit on girls and don’t read you are ignoring the thousands of things you can learn from other guys work going out and hitting on girls.
It’s actually a good idea for a post. Maybe I will post something on bouncing back from a loss of social skills in the near future. I hope you can get everything figured out.
Rawr then thanked me for my advice and something else happened, he got another comment from a reader going by the name of Ovid.
Ovid > rawr
Hey dude, I’ve been there, done that. Suggestions for how to put your life in order:
-First, take stock of your finances. It’s hard to be social and confident if you’re stuck in some dead-end job making little money, loaded with debt, etc. And forget about traveling the world if that’s the case. Figure out how you can get your affairs in order so you can move to someplace which will offer better social opportunities than the Channel Islands will. If you don’t have transferable skills, get them, or start a business, or something. Point is, get that handled. Figure out what you want to do with your life and plan out a roadmap with tangible milestones that will get you there, because it’s easy to just keep coasting along where you’re getting by, even if you are miserable.
-While you’re doing that, start hitting the gym. If you don’t have a gym, then your living room floor works great for pushups and situps, a tree works for pull-ups, and you can start running around the island. You’re not going to want to socialize if you look like a fat (or scrawny) slob. Get out of your comfort zone, and do some stuff that you’ve never done before. Make a point to be outside more often, and don’t play video games -play real games instead, with real people. Make some strict rules with yourself about how much you will allow yourself to play games (if you don’t quit cold turkey.) Otherwise, you will just start out with a shallow resolution and in a week you’ll be gaming as much as ever, because it takes dramatic change to break out of comfortable habits.
-get a couple of outfits (doesn’t have to be expensive) of stylish clothes that are currently in fashion. It’s hard to be social when your physical appearance is telling everyone including yourself that this is unnatural behavior for you.
-Make it happen. Move, and establish a new routine. Go out of your way to be around people and meet them -pay your bills in person instead of using online automatic payment, for example. With socialization practice makes perfect. When I got my last job I was painfully shy, but I made myself talk to people and within a few months I was making some progress. Within a year I was able to easily banter and joke around with complete strangers, which felt awesome.
-Get started now. Not tomorrow, not next week after you finish some “really important stressful project,” Now. This instant.
Then, Ovid added some more solid stuff from his own experience. After reading this it made me think about the real lesson from all of this. Brotherhood.
I felt compelled to write back to Rawr because of how much I related to his story, it was something I had gone through. Ovid felt the same way.
Even though 90% of the posts in this blog have to do with women, it doesn’t mean that they are all that matters. Life is about more than slaying pussy and having adventures. It’s about sharing that shit with guys that matter.
I have spent a lot of time time traveling with THC. We have been through some tough times together, as well traveled people know, things never go perfectly smooth when you travel all over the world.
We have fought, but we always make up. Thinking back I barely even remember the fights. What I do remember is sitting on a balcony having a beer with him as we celebrated his 100th notch. I remember brain storming the questionable things girls would do with him and being surprised (arrogant I know) when he had an insight I had never thought about. I remember when I stopped being surprised at the different insights I would get from him. And I remember how good it felt when I was able to help him with one of his problems.
THC is not just a friend he’s more like a brother to me, a relationship strengthened by the good times and the bad. All this started because I had a beer with him, two white guys in Thailand. THC and I have stuck together because of how similar we are and because of the similar experiences we had.
Brotherhood is something as rewarding and important as anything else out there. All the shit that you have been through in your life? There is another guy out there who can relate. You have learned the hard way about something in life? There’s somebody who could use that lesson to prevent a lot of pain. You have a problem you just can’t figure out? There is a brother out there that knows the answer and he is willing to help you.
Thanks to Rawr for not being afraid to ask for the next step and thanks to Ovid for sharing what he has learned. That’s the way it should be.
Brotherhood should be a priority for all men.