How to Get Groupies by Blogging
”The 15-year-old girls
I wanted when I was 15
I have them now
it is very pleasant
it is never too late
I advise you all
to become rich and famous”
Leonard Cohen, The Energy of Slaves
If someone had told me years ago that I could get laid just by having a blog, I’d have hyperventilated to death from laughter. And then it happened.
Yes, it’s possible to get groupies merely by having a moderately popular blog. In particular, with the manosphere receiving increasing scrutiny from the mainstream media, we’re getting to the point where you’ll need at least one groupie bang to be considered part of the elite. Here’s an assortment of stories from my years of blogging (some details altered to cover my ass):
- Three years ago, a Canadian fan sent me a topless picture of herself, unsolicited. She had a boyfriend at the time.
- Last year, when I was hitchhiking from New York to Oregon, I met up with a fan of mine from South Dakota who credited the manosphere (including me through my old blog In Mala Fide) with helping her turn around her marriage and life. Without getting into details, it was clear that she wanted me to make a move; three months later, she divorced her husband and shacked up with another manosphere blogger, a mutual friend of ours, before dumping him to get gangbanged by a bunch of survivalists from Wyoming. You can read the whole story here.
- Last February, a teenage girl from a flyover state contacted me on Facebook after reading a ludicrously offensive post I’d written, telling me she liked it. We went back and forth on Skype for a few months, and after a planned meetup in Chicago fell through, she came to visit me in upstate New York. I wrote about her in my book Life During Peacetime.
- A couple months ago, when my article on female self-esteem went viral, a college girl from the Midwest emailed me asking to exchange Skype info so we could have a video chat. Just like that. I didn’t know her from Adam and she wanted to cut right to the chase.
And we all remember the sordid saga of Mark Minter. I’ll rephrase what I said when that debacle went down; the fact that a guy who commented on blogs, who didn’t even have his own blog, could get a groupie nearly half his age to marry him speaks mountains about where the manosphere is headed. I’m shocked we don’t have any Connie Hamzy-types running around bragging about how they’ve slept with all the top bloggers.
Here’s how to get your slice of the pussy pie.
Before I explain how to get groupies, there are a few things you need to understand first.
1. Women are hardwired to mate with winners.
This is indisputable; girls are attracted to successful, dominant men for survival reasons, because those who didn’t got progressively weeded out of the gene pool. It’s why the women of defeated nations are always quick to give themselves up to the invading force. It’s why French women threw themselves into the arms of the conquering Nazis in World War II and why hordes of German Fräuleins became the “war brides” of victorious American GIs.
At heart, a groupie is a girl who is attracted to you because you’re famous (or infamous) for something. Since our narcissistic culture celebrates people for being famous regardless of whether they have any actual talent, most anything you can leverage into notability, even if it’s as simple as playing guitar in a crappy local band, is enough to make yourself into a winner in girls’ eyes. Even professional gamers have groupies, as champion StarCraft players in South Korea can attest to.
2. You don’t need expert-level game to bang groupies.
Game is about making girls attracted to you, and what separates groupies from normal girls is that they’re already attracted to you. Being a normal, masculine man is all you need to do to bang a groupie, since she’s already decided that she wanted to sleep with you long before you meet her in person.
3. Having groupies will give you a taste of what it’s like to be a hot chick.
We all know how thirsty most guys are, how they desperately Like hot girls’ Facebook posts and kiss their asses in the vain hope that they’ll get laid. When you have groupies, the script is flipped: you’re the desirable one and they’re the ones groveling for your approval. Groupies are so needy and insecure that they’ll be suppliant to you as a matter of course; in Life During Peacetime, I described how that girl not only made me breakfast, but insisted on doing my dishes, vacuuming out my living room, and dumping Drano in my toilet. Provided you don’t weird her out, you can talk a groupie into doing just about anything, sexual or otherwise.
4. Most groupies reside in the middle of the attractiveness spectrum.
If you’re hoping to get supermodel-level girls just from a blog, forget about it. While there are exceptions—as my friend put it, the South Dakota groupie was “a 9 when clothed… and an 8 naked due to the stretch marks”—most groupies range from cute to plain. Why? Because truly hot women get enough validation from men in real life that they have no need to seek it out on their own, and truly ugly women aren’t deluded enough to think you’ll give them a shot.
5. Logistics is the number one cockblocker when it comes to groupies.
Without a doubt, the biggest thing that will keep you from racking up groupie notches is the fact that your fans will be scattered across the globe. If you live in a big city like New York or Washington, D.C., you can cultivate a local harvest of groupies, but more likely than not, geography will keep you from banging more than a fraction of the girls who come on to you. For example, right now I have lady fans in Tennessee, California, Canada, Italy, Singapore, China, Russia and more, while I live in a college town in upstate New York that’s a six hour drive from any major metropolis.
6. Groupies make bad relationship prospects.
As the saying goes, you can’t make a ho into a housewife. You might think that a groupie’s willingness to cook for you and suck your dick on command might make them relationship material, but don’t be fooled. Any woman who pursues a man based solely on how (in)famous he is has a few screws loose, and letting them into your life can end badly. While I’ve gotten off easy so far, my friend had his heart broken by the South Dakota groupie, and I watched another girl morph into a bunny boiling stalker. Keep your groupies at arm’s length for your own safety.
How to Get Groupies
1. Start a self-improvement/game-themed blog.
Acceptable topics to blog about include picking up girls, past relationships/one-night stands, lifting, traveling, the punk rock band you gig with on the weekends, and anything else that makes you look like a cool guy. Unacceptable topics include politics, video games and anything that makes you look angry, bitter or nerdy. (If writing solely to get laid offends you, there are lots of other reasons you should start a blog: see here.)
2. Hone your writing style for maximum impact.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to write sexist, “misogynistic” content. The wrong way can be seen on MRA (men’s rights’ activist) sites like A Voice for Men which have a carping, negative, and bitchy tone. The right way can be seen in the writings of men like Tuthmosis, Trouble Maker and myself, which convey strength, confidence and mastery. The reason those linked articles went viral among young women is because they project unapologetic masculinity; we stated our opinions using calm, vivid prose, establishing ourselves as dominant men who put women in their place.
The important thing when it comes to writing about sex and women is that you need to engage your audience with rhetoric, not logic. Logic is about swaying people with reason and facts, while rhetoric is about stirring a person’s emotions with the way you write and speak. Since women don’t use logic when it comes to who they want to sleep with, your writing should be focused on provoking their emotions instead. This goes double when sharing sex stories/stories of past relationships; your words should paint an image that makes girls go, “That’s hot.” If this sounds like a tall order, it’s not really; women have extraordinarily low standards in prose. Case in point: Fifty Shades of Grey.
If you haven’t honed your writing style yet, I recommend studying your favorite authors and bloggers and trying to imitate them, at least initially. If you really want to get into the nitty-gritty, check out Aristotle’s Rhetoric, the foundational book on the subject. With practice and study, you’ll develop a unique voice that will reflect who you are as a man, and it’s that masculine voice that will attract groupies.
3. Post pictures of yourself.
For guys who want to remain pseudonymous, this is something of a stumbling block, but it’s absolutely vital. In order for a groupie to be attracted to you, she has to have some idea of what you look like. You can blur out your face if you want, but you have to post something in order to plant that initial seed of attraction in her mind. It doesn’t even have to be a good picture; while it goes without saying that you’ll get more (and hotter) groupies if you’re in better shape, girls are masters at rationalizing away physical flaws in the objects of their obsession. Pictures of yourself with attractive women are also a good bet: preselection for the win!
4. Blog on a regular basis.
Since the vast majority of blogs go Tango Uniform in a matter of months, you need to provide a regular flow of content in order to build an audience. I recommend posting no less than three new articles a week (on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays), and ideally you should post new articles five times a week (on weekdays).
5. Network with other bloggers to grow your audience.
No man is an island, and you need the help of others to become popular. Get in the habit of commenting on other peoples’ blogs and interacting with them on Twitter. Reach out to aggregators like Viva La Manosphere to give your site a shot in the arm. Write guest posts for sites like Return of Kings. (If you want more specific pointers on building a popular blog and monetizing it, check out my book Confessions of an Online Hustler.)
6. Be patient.
It takes anywhere from six months to a year to cultivate a popular blog. By that point, you should have built up a sizable fanbase and a group of regulars commenting on your posts. You should should also be getting gushing emails (and Facebook messages, if you have a profile/page for your blog) from girls every so often. You should assume that every woman who reads your blog regularly has at least thought about sleeping with you, mainly because you’ll be right half the time.
7. Bask in the adoration of your lady fans.
From this point, it’s a matter of working out logistics and applying what you already know as a man. In general, it’s better to have your groupies come to your home instead of going to hers as insurance in case things go south. All of the groupies I’ve known have either flown to my city or offered to without prompting.
Enjoy your new rock star life!
Keep in mind that your initial groupies probably won’t be anything to write home about. If you want to bang hot girls, keep hitting the gym, approaching girls, and working on yourself. This method is for leveraging your writing talents to get girls with little extra effort on your part.
That said, there’s something invigorating about having girls fly across the country just to suck your cock and tell you how much they love you.
As Leonard Cohen bragged forty years ago, being (in)famous has so many perks. My life’s mission has been turning my passions—writing and music—into careers. It’s been a long time coming, but my work is finally paying off… in ways I never had imagined.
Guest Author: Matt Forney